DVD and Blu-Ray Releases For the Month of March

March 1st: 127 Hours, Love and Other Drugs, Burlesque, Faster, Bambi, Cannes Man, The Genius Within, Reboot, Out of Sight, Pirates of the Carribbean trilogy, S.W.A.T.

March 8th: Jackass 3, Morning Glory, The Next Three Days, Inside Job, The Man From Nowhere, Every Day, The Walking Dead Season One, Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vol. 20, Hannah Montana season 4, Exit Through the Gift Shop, Naussica of the Valley of the Wind, Tales from Earthsea, Excalibur, The Dorm That Dripped Blood, Rivers and Tides

March 15th: The Fighter, Hereafter, The Switch, Sharktopus, BMX Bandits, Blood, Battle of the Warriors, Coach season 4

March 22nd: The Tourist, Yogi Bear, How Do You Know, Skyline, The Times of Harvey Milk, Our Hospitality, Awakenings, Stand By Me, The Sandlot, Against All Odds, Random Hearts, Scary Movie 4, Robots, Anastasia

March 29th: Black Swan, Fair Game, Tangled, All Good Things, Public Enemy #1, Made In Dagenham, Dogtooth, Topsy Turvy, The Mikado, Mad Men Season 4, Treme Season 1, The Ten Commandments, King of Kings, Soylent Green

My Oscar Picks Who Should Win and Who Will Win

It's that time again. Oscar time! Yes the time of year Hollywood's brightest and best come out to celebrate how awesome they all are. Seriously we all know the Academy Awards are a joke at this point. As I pointed out in a previous post the Academy Awards are about 90% popularity contest. The musical performances are unwatchable, the speeches go on way too long, the air is so thick with pretension you could cut it with one of Nic Cage's stiffer wigs, and Sean Penn will inevitably act like the giant douchebag he is at some point in the evening.

Still it is the only award show I make an effort to watch. The opening sequences are typically funny and usually there is at least one or two strange/ridiculous moments that make it worth tuning into. Also on the morbid side, I'm always interested in seeing what actors, actresses, directors, and writers have passed away in the past year. And in some years I have a very vested interest in the winners. (1995's winner Braveheart and 2003's winner The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King made my evening.)

As a movie connoisseur I think it only fitting that I give my Oscar picks. Note that I will only be doing the major categories. I will tell you who I think should win and who will win. So without further ado....

Actress in a Supporting Role: Nominees are Amy Adams for The Fighter, Melissa Leo for The Fighter, Helena Bonham Carter for The King's Speech, Jacki Weaver for Animal Kingdom, Hailee Steinfeld for True Grit

Who Should Win: Hailee Steinfeld. Her performance in True Grit was a revelation. That someone that young could go toe to toe with Jeff Bridges was a sight to see.

Who Will Win: Melissa Leo. Her role as the tough as nails mother to "Irish" Mickey Ward in The Fighter was riveting. This may be the toughest award to call though because Leo may split the votes with co-star Amy Adams leaving the door open for Steinfeld.

Actor In a Supporting Role: Nominees are Christian Bale for The Fighter, John Hawkes for Winter's Bone, Jeremy Renner for The Town, Mark Ruffalo for The Kids are Alright, and Geoffrey Rush for The King's Speech.

Who Should Win: Christian Bale. Bale is one of the best method actors of our generation and it's fantastic that he finally got the recognition he deserved for playing crack addicted trainer Dick Ecklund in The Fighter. As much as I loved Jeremy Renner in The Town, Bale gets the nod.

Who Will Win: Christian Bale. Take it to the bank, the Batman is walking away with the statue Sunday night.

Actress In A Leading Role: The Nominees are Annette Bening in The Kids are Alright, Nicole Kidman in Rabbit Hole, Jennifer Lawrence in Winter's Bone, Natalie Portman in Black Swan, and Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine.

Who Should Win: Natalie Portman. Portman's turn in Black Swan was the best psychological breakdown I've seen on screen since DeNiro played Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver. The physical nature of the role was equally impressive.

Who Will Win: Annette Bening. As I've stated the Oscars is often a popularity contest and I get the feeling that the Academy is going to award the Oscarless Bening with a golden trophy come Sunday evening. I sincerely hope not since I loved Portman's performance but to be fair I haven't seen The Kids Are Alright. Nevertheless, Portman will walk away empty handed on Oscar night.

Actor In a Leading Role: The Nominees are Javier Bardem for Biutiful, Jeff Bridges for True Grit, Jesse Eisenberg for The Social Network, Colin Firth for The King's Speech, James Franco for 127 Hours.

Who Should Win: Jeff Bridges. While I freely admit that I've never seen the 1969 John Wayne original, I thought Bridges nailed the cantankerous, drunken "Rooster" Cogburn in the Cohen brothers updated version of True Grit. Too bad he won't be the first person since Tom Hanks to win the Best Actor award two years in a row.

Who Will Win: Colin Firth. To paraphrase Daryl Hammond as Sean Connery on SNL's Jeopardy! skit, "His time has come!" Firth has been a fine actor in the movie industry for years and his turn as a stuttering British monarch will garner him the gold.

Best Director: Darren Aronofsky for Black Swan, David O. Russell for The Fighter, Tom Hooper for The King's Speech, David Fincher for The Social Network, Joel and Ethan Cohen for True Grit.

Who Should Win: Christopher Nolan. Yes I know he's not nominated but it's my blog and I can write what I want. Nolan's ability to craft a highly stylized intricate story involving visually stunning imagery, while maintaining emotional resonance was not an easy thing to do. It's a travesty he wasn't nominated.

Who Will Win: David Fincher. The acclaimed director of such great films as Seven, Fight Club, and Zodiac will finally get his just due. It will be well deserved and high past time.

Best Picture: The Nominees are Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The Social Network, Winter's Bone, Toy Story 3, The King's Speech, The Kids Are Alright, 127 Hours, and True Grit.

Who Should Win: Inception. What can I say? I saw this movie three times in the theater and I still find something new every time I watch it. It worked on every level; visual effects, drama, acting, writing, directing. My favorite movie of the year by far and my personal choice for Best Picture. Unfortunately I see Inception only picking up best visual effects this year but I hope it snags Best Original Screenplay and gives Christopher Nolan a little redemption.

Who Will Win: The King's Speech. The Weinstein brothers have undoubtedly sucked enough dick at this point to garner the votes for their latest film. I see it just edging out The Social Network for picture of the year.

Well there you have it! See you next week when I do an Oscar recap right here on the cookie jar.

Dances With Kryptonians

Big news on the Man of Steel front this week. Deadline is reporting that none other than Kevin Costner is being pursued to play the role of Jonathan "Pa" Kent in Zack Snyder's upcoming Superman reboot. To be clear Costner at this point has not officially been offered the role and no news yet as to whether he'd even accept the part.

No one will ever top Glenn Ford's portrayal in the 1978 Richard Donner classic, however I think Costner would be a perfect fit as Clark Kent's adoptive Earth father. Anyone who has ever seen Field of Dreams or Open Range knows he has the ability to play that Mid-West homegrown country boy type. Costner never comes across as a Hollywood douche either. I can just picture Costner in a Carhart jacket bailing hay on the Kent farm. Fits better than a tommygun in The Untouchables. Barring Costner, Dennis Quaid would be a strong choice as well. That's assuming of course he can take time away from preventing his brother Randy from crossing the Canadian border. But I digress.

What might be a more difficult task is finding the right man to play Jor-El, Kal-El/Clark Kent/Superman's Kryptonian father. Or will he even appear in the film? For that matter will the Fortress of Solitude even appear? Could this hypothetical actor top Marlon Brando's performance? Will I still fit into my Superman pajamas in December 2012? (That last is a joke.) Strike back folks! Who do you think should play Jor-El?

The Night the Oscars Died

This past week nationally recognized movie critic Jack Garner (also my former professor I might add) wrote an article about the biggest Best Picture upsets in Oscar history. Some of them I agreed with (High Noon losing to The Greatest Show on Earth in 1952 and An American In Paris beating A Streetcar Named Desire in 1951) and some I disagreed with (saying that all four other films were better than the 1976 winner Rocky...PUH--LEASE!).

However for the life of me I couldn't believe he left off what I consider to be the biggest upset in Oscar history. Certainly the most unfair. In 1998 Shakespeare In Love went Lindsey Lohan and stole the golden statue right out from under the far superior Saving Private Ryan. My friend Mike likes to call it "The Night the Oscars Died." I couldn't have thought of a more fitting title.

I distinctly remember my reaction at the time. I leaped off my couch in frustration and started yelling at the television like an insane sports fan. My passion for cinema knows no bounds but this was the first time I can remember being seriously angry about an Oscar. If there was a deer in the room I probably would have punched it in the face. "How could the Academy get this so wrong?" I asked myself at the time.

It was not until years later that I discovered the reason: the Weinstein Brothers. If anybody needed anymore evidence that the Academy Awards is 90% popularity contest they need look no further than the Weinstein brothers. The Weinstein brothers are such experts at fellating every Academy member that has a vote it's a wonder they don't teach oral sex classes. It is embarrassing and reprehensible that these two schmucks have to campaign for their movies like this. Whatever happened to letting your movie stand on it's own merit?

Saving Private Ryan was a transcendent film in that it was not simply a "war film," but a multi-layered cinema masterpiece. It examines what constitutes a well lived life, the value of family, demonstrates the amazing bond between brothers in arms, shows that war is sometimes the price you pay for living in a civilized society, and the sincere debt we owe to "The Greatest Generation" for the price they paid in blood.

To have Saving Private Ryan lose out to a sentimental tear-jerker like Shakespeare In Love is a tragedy enough to make the Bard himself weep.

The Eisenberg Uncertainty Principle: Should Jesse have gotten and Oscar nod?

Very recently I had a spirited debate regarding Jesse Eisenberg's Academy Award nomination for Best Actor in The Social Network. My arguement was that though he was good in the movie it didn't warrant an Oscar nomination because quite honestly Eisenberg plays the same character in every movie he does, namely the geeky, awkward guy. Not surprisingly, this fit extremely well in his role as Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. While watching his films and observing Eisenberg in interviews, I've noticed that his personality falls in line with every character he's ever played.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm actually a fan of Eisenberg. Zombieland was an excellent film and Eisenberg was strong in the severely underappreciated 30 Days of Night. That being side the word "acting" is defined thusly:

"Acting is the work of an actor or actress, which is a person in theater, televison, film, or any other storytelling medium who tells the story by portraying a character and usually speaking or singing the written text or play."

If a person is simply being themselves on stage, screen, or television they are not portraying a character and are not, in the literal sense, acting. Ergo he or she should not receive a nomination for something he or she did not actually do. That's like nominating me for manager of the year simply because I sat in on a manager conference once.
My friend contended that the performance must be viewed "in a vacuum" with no consideration of the person's past work. I say hogwash. Impartiality and objectivism is virtually non-existent in media today. Why would I expect it to be different in Hollywood? The answer is I don't. Anyone who thinks there isn't any favortism in Hollywood never watched the 70th Annual Academy Awards show in 1999. (More on that in another post.) Furthermore, I actually believe that an actor's previous works should have some (note I said some not all) bearing on whether or not to nominate them for an Oscar.*

*Unless of course he or she has never been in a movie before.

Truly great acting should test and tax a thespian's skills. Otherwise you are not stepping out of your comfort zone. The goal is to create a character not be yourself and say lines. Two of the best in the business at that right now are Johnny Depp and Russell Crowe. In every role I've ever seen Johnny Depp in he's a completely different person whether it's Jack Sparrow or Willy Wonka. The same can be said for Crowe. In 1999, 2000, and 2001 the Austrialian actor was nominated for Best Actor playing a stuffed shirt tobacco whistle-blower, a Roman general and gladiator from the second century, and a schizophrenic Nobel Prize winning mathematician respectively. Now THAT is acting. Eisenberg's performance was the polar opposite of truly transcendent acting. From that perspective it kind of cheapens the nomination. Leonardo DiCaprio's 2010 turns in Shutter Island and Inception were ten times more Oscar worthy.
Compare that to say a George Clooney who I consider to be a moviestar not a true actor. (Read: he plays himself in every movie.) I am confounded that Clooney ever won for Syriana, let alone was nominated. Everyone had told me how Clooney had gone all method acting for the role and it was amazing. If you consider gaining thirty pounds method then I guess it's method. All I saw was a fat George Clooney.
Now this doesn't mean that I don't think Eisenberg can't one day step out of himself and become truly worthy of an Academy Award nomination. Frank Sinatra did it in The Manchurian Candidate and perpetual eye candy Brad Pitt did it in 12 Monkeys. However, until that day comes Eisenberg should change his Facebook status to Not Worthy.

Out this month on Blu-Ray and DVD

February 1st: Let Me In, Never Let Me Go, Conviction, Hatchet II, The Tillman Story, Welcome to the Rileys, Beverly Hills Chihuahua II, Monsters, Alice in Wonderland, An Affair to Remember, Boys Don't Cry, Pleasantville, You've Got Mail

February 8th: Paranormal Activity 2, I Spit On Your Grave, Life As We Know It, Middle Men, You Again, It's Kind of a Funny Story, My Soul To Take, Ong Bak 3, For Colored Girls, Wild Target, Still Walking, Thelma and Louise, Uncle Buck

February 15th: You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, Unstoppable, Waiting for Superman, Glorious 39, The Twilight Zone Season 3, All The President's Men, Network, Chaplin, Last Tango In Paris, Moon Struck, Rain Man, Game of Death, The John Cena Experience, A Man Within

February 22nd: Due Date, Get Low, Killer Instinct, Fish Tank, Sweet Smell of Success, Senso, Weeds Season Six, Nurse Jackie Season 2, Ice Road Truckers Season 4, House of Pain Volume 6, Memento, The Last Unicorn, Daughters of Darkness

February 25th: Megamind

And the Last Son of Krypton is...Henry Cavill!

After months of intensive searching director Zack Snyder and Warner Brothers have finally picked the man they hope will bring the Superman franchise back up up and away into multiple box office receipts.

This past Sunday Warner Bros. announced that English actor Henry Cavill, a relative unknown, would be tackling the role of the Man of Steel. Fans of the Showtime television show The Tudors may recognize Cavill as Charles Brandon the Duke of Suffolk. In the last few years Cavill has also been in films Tristan and Isolde, Stardust, and Blood Creek.

Without question this a breakthrough role for Cavill. God knows the 27 year old has been waiting in the wings for this chance. At one time Cavill was considered for James Bond (it went to Daniel Craig), Batman (it went to Christian Bale), and even the most recent Superman role (it went to Brandon Routh.) The combination of Cavill's acting ability and director Zack Snyder's large scope visionary style should make for a fantastic combination.

The tentatively titled Superman: Man of Steel is scheduled for release in December 2012 and will begin shooting this June.

The Dark Tower Casts Its Shadow on Javier Bardem

A few months back I reported that screenwriter Akiva Goldsman, director Ron Howard, and Universal Pictures were going to tackle Stephen King's massive seven volume magnum opus The Dark Tower. This was a literary undertaking so broad in scope it took Stephen King over three decades to complete. Bringing this work to the big screen will be a colossal task. Thankfully, it appears that Howard and company just may have their leading man.

Deadline.com is reporting the role of Roland Deschain (the world's last surviving gunslinger pledged to find the mysterious Dark Tower) has been offered to Academy Award winner Javier Bardem. Official contract negotiations have not yet begun, however Universal feels that the 2010 Best Actor Academy Award nominee for Biutiful is their man.

As a huge fan of the novels my initial reaction to the casting of Bardem was surprise. Speculation surrounding the casting of Roland of Gilead had Christian Bale at the top of the list. As a veteran already of westerns, science fiction, and fantasy I thought Bale seemed like a slam dunk. Plus I mean come on, Bardem? The guy with the weird accent and the Dutch Boy Paint hair cut in No Country for Old Men?

However, after a week of pondering the decision I've come around. At 41 Bardem is the perfect age to play the saga's titular character. His scruffy, rough, and dark looks also resemble how I pictured Roland while reading the novels. Despite being a Spanish actor I could visualize Javier Bardem tackling the role. (After all the world he comes from doesn't preclude anyone from speaking with an accent. It's a completely different world not Kansas City USA.) Furthermore with three Oscar nominations under his belt and a win for the aforementioned No Country for Old Men, it's safe to say he's more than capable of handling the acting responsibilities.

But will he want to tackle the time commitment?

As I've said The Dark Tower is a work that involves three films and two television series. Bardem will have to be on board for all three films and one of the television seasons. The first film is set to release in May of 2013 but I don't anticipate the whole series being rapped up until 2015 or 2016 at the earliest. Three years is a long time to commit for any actor. To be honest this undertaking is so vast I wouldn't be surprised if Universal eventually bailed. They certainly will if the first film tanks. Like New Line Cinema with the Lord of the Rings trilogy, this series could make or break Universal.

There is also no guarantee Bardem will even sign on the dotted line either. He's already been offered the villain role in the next James Bond film and his wife actress Penelope Cruz gave birth to their first son almost two weeks ago. It's a lot to consider.

To steal a line from King's series, even if Bardem turns the role down, "the world will move on." Undoubtedly so will the production of this movie.

Review: Saw The Final Chapter

Plot: In the latest edition of the popular horror franchise, Detective Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) though scarred has survived the trap from Jigsaw's wife Jill Tuck (Betsy Russell) at the end of the last film. Vowing revenge Hoffman seeks to track down Tuck and bring about his own special brand of justice. Meanwhile author and fraudulent Jigsaw survivor Bobby Dagen (Sean Patrick Flannery) is exploiting his tragic past for financial gain. But when Hoffman kidnaps Dagen and puts him in a real-life game of survival, detective Matt Gibson (Chad Donella) must protect Tuck and save Dagen before the game is over.

Review: Remember when you were young and wanted to eat all of your Halloween candy at once? What did your Mom say to you? "Too much of a good thing is bad for you." Obviously, the producers of the Saw franchise were raised by wolves because they continue to crank out these films long after the sweet taste of the original has been lost. The Saw franchise has become like herpes: it won't go away no matter how much Valtrex you throw at it.

Saw The Final Chapter (please God let it be so) is a plodding, formulaic, gore fest that barely resembles its 2004 originator. Full of predictable plot lines and the not-so-shocking twist ending, director Kevin Greutert's awful horror film left me wishing someone would slice me up with a power saw just to put me out of my misery.

Not that the Saw franchise was ever a subtle endeavor, but the movies have long since lost any amount of nuance or creativity. Like lunch in the high school cafeterias The Final Chapter is just more of the same old same old. Even the opening trap is pathetic. Set in a visible area this time, a decidedly poor attempt at innovation, the inevitable slicing of one of the victim's is more funny than shocking or upsetting. This tends to be par for the course for the film whether it is death from a car trap, blood-letting from a needle trap, or being baked alive by a heat trap. The result is still the same: awful production quality. The makeup effects look like something out of Mystery Science Theater 3000. And believe me when I say any one of the movies from that television show would have been exponentially better than this film.

Fortunately, Saw The Final Chapter makes up for its horrible visual effects (did I mention it was in 3D...crap in three dimensions awesome!) with equally putrid acting. Costas Mandylor should have his SAG card revoked. In no way is he creepy or menacing like the original Jigsaw (Tobin Bell). Instead he comes across as campy and pathetic. Yet even his underwhelming performance pales in comparison to the craptastic display of acting ability (inability?) by Chad Donella. His turn as detective Matt Gibson is Golden Raspberry worthy. Donella is so bad he makes adult film star Peter North look like effing Sir Lawrence Olivier by comparison.

Sean Patrick Flannery was the best of the bunch although to be fair a half dead camel could have put up better acting performance than the rest of the morons in this film. Flannery did as much as he could with the Dagen character. It wasn't much considering what he was given to work with by screenwriters (and I use that term loosely) Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan. Much like the weathermen who said Rochester was going to be hit hard by the recent mid-west snow storm, this script was an epic failure. If monkeys had thrown their own feces at construction paper, the resulting mess would have been ten times better than this debacle of a script.

In the end Saw The Final Chapter is a weak effort that demonstrates how dull and rusty this franchise has gotten and how desperately it needs to die.

My rating: 1/10

Review: Wall Street Money Never Sleeps

Plot: The follow-up to Oliver Stone's 1987 ode to 80s greed Wall Street, the sequel finds Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) a popular author and lecturer during the 2008 financial crisis. An ex-inmate for insider trading and securities fraud, Gekko wants to reconnect with his estranged daughter Winnie (Carey Mulligan) who blames Gekko for her brother's suicide. Gekko's in is young wall street stock broker Jake Moore (Shia LaBeouf) Winnie's fiance. While Jake is hoping to use Gekko to destroy rival Bretton James (Josh Brolin) will greed, lies, and misdirection corrupt them all?

Review: Many questioned the need for a sequel to Oliver Stone's 1987 film Wall Street. Was there really a pressing need for Michael Douglas to revisit the role that won him the Academy Award? Probably not but Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps is nevertheless an entertaining, well acted, and satisfying film whose subject matter remains socially relevant almost a quarter of a century later.
Money Never Sleeps is much more intriguing from a visual standpoint than I would have expected. Shot like a Smart Phone Junkie's wet dream, we're constantly inundated with split screens that break up business transactions like a Wall Street ticker. The decision to compile the film in this manner only demonstrates the brilliance of director Oliver Stone. Money Never Sleeps is easily his best film in a decade and demonstrates he still has the moxie of a young filmmaker. (And the ability to draw bank too! Money Never Sleeps made over $130,000,000 at the box office.) The resulting effect is like watching a two hour BlackBerry infused piece of celluloid that gives homage to the digital age. Credit has to be given to movie editors David Brenner and Julie Monroe who managed to make the visuals as riveting as the dramatic sequences.
Shia LaBeouf is excellent as the young wunderkind Jake. It's easily his best work to date. His character bears little resemblance to the greedy Bud Fox (Charlie Sheen) of the first film. Rather Jake's motivation is revenge against billionaire Bretton James who he blames for his mentor Louis Zabel's (Frank Langella) suicide. What's notable here is how strong twenty-four year old LaBeouf stacks up against Oscar caliber actors like Langella and Brolin. The tense confrontation between Brolin and LaBeouf in the woods is just as impressive as the subdued and nuanced scenes in Langella's office. The kid from the Disney Show Even Stevens has come a long way.
Not to be outdone in the mix is actress Carey Mulligan who also happens to be LaBeouf's real life girlfriend. A stellar young talent already with an Academy Award Best Actress nomination for last year's An Education, the English actress continues to impress. Mulligan's Winnie comes across as a strong independent woman that is haunted by the relationship with her father. The confrontation between her and Douglas outside a charity event and a heart-rending scene with Jake about two thirds of the way through the movie, make you wonder how at twenty-five someone could have this much talent. As an audience we have the fortune of watching Miss Mulligan for many years to come.
However, Wall Street wouldn't be Wall Street without Gordon Gekko and it's good to know that Douglas can still fit the bill. Douglas roles out a slightly more nuanced and reserved Gekko in Oliver Stone's sequel. Gekko comes across in many ways as a broken and lonely man looking for reconciliation. Never underestimate the financial lion however as by the end of the film we get to see Douglas in all his slick backed, cigar smoking Gordon Gekko glory.
While Wall Street Money Never Sleeps is a tad long and sometimes meanders and becomes preachy, it's still a solid and entertaining outing by Stone and Company.
Twenty-four years later greed is still good.

Rating: 8/10

Review: Machete

Plot: When Mexican Federale Machete Cortez's (Danny Trejo) wife and daughter are killed by drug lord Regelio Torrez (Stephen Seagal), Machete is stabbed and left for dead. Three years later having survived the ordeal, Machete is living in Texas as an illegal migrant worker taking jobs where and when he can. When local businessman Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey) hires Machete to kill Texas State Senator John McLaughlin (Robert DeNiro), Machete is double-crossed during the assassination attempt and goes on the run. But as Booth, McLaughlin, and others begin to learn they *&^%ed with the wrong Mexican.

Review: Machete is an over the top, consistently violent, and unapologetic schlock-fest saturated with nudity and cheesy one-liners.

AND I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

Similar to blaxploitation films of the 1970s like Slaughter, Dolomite!, and of course Shaft, director Robert Rodriguez's latest movie sojourn manages to balance laughs, action, and social satire with equal aplomb. Machete never takes itself too seriously and that is the beauty of the film. Watching Machete swing out of a hospital window via the disemboweled colon of a his latest victim, having Booth hire assassin Osirus Amanpour through 1-800-HITMAN, or Segal's hilarious death scene are just three of the entertaining moments in Machete simply because they are so ridiculous.

Machete is not surprisingly the strong silent type, a reluctant anti-hero who eliminates his problems through the use of various knives and one-liners like "Machete don't text." Yet he's also someone who cares about the plight of Mexican immigrants, even going so far as to provide Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) with the $150,000 given to him for the McLaughlin assassination to use in her Mexican Underground. Incidentally Luz is also known as She (a hilarious take off on revolutionary Che Gueverra) a revolutionary striving to bring about social justice.

Just like Machete's unexpected philanthropy, I found Machete the movie to contain unexpected social satire. Machete actually has a heart, even if that heart will most likely be cut out by the film's titular character. There are strong social undercurrents surrounding the issue of border security. What's great is that both sides take it to extremes, to the point where the absurdity of the issue becomes apparent. On one side you have idealists like like Luz looking for social justice through an arsenal and an army. On the opposing side you have sadistic fascists like McLaughlin and border patrolman Von Jackson (Don Johnson) who shoot illegal immigrants just for sport. The not so subtle commentary is as funny as it is relevant.

Muchos gracias to cinematographer Jimmy Lindsey as well. His excellent camerawork helped capture classic moments like Machete's Evil Kanevil-esque flight through the air on machine gun wielding motorcycle and a sadistic murder at his brother's church. Mexican rock band Chingon's relentless orgiastic rock beats were also a nice compliment to Lindsey's cinematic style.

About the only weak part of the movie came in the form of Jessica Alba. Pretty she may be but an actress she is not. Her turn as IA agent Sartana Rivera was tepid and boring. Alba's speech to She's army towards the end of the movie is about as inspiring as someone reading the ingredients list on a bottle of Flintstones chewable vitamins. Then again no one one ever said that hot actresses in Hollywood had to be talented.

At 66 years old it is amazing that Trejo could pull off an action film like this. Never underestimate the power of a senior citizen to slice you up though. In the end just like the Bryan Adams song says, Machete "cuts like a knife!"

(Hopefully Trejo won't ever read that last sentence. If so he's likely to cut out my still beating heart and serve it up in a taco.)

My rating: 8/10