My Top 6 Worst Television Series Finales of All-Time

As some of you may have read from my previous post I loved the ending to LOST but I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who were disappointed, even infuriated. It got me thinking about the television series finales that wanted to make my head explode like an oxygen deprived Vilos Cohaagen in Total Recall. And since everyone always does a top 5 or a top 10, I thought I'd do something different and do my top 6 all-time worst television series finales. So without further ado:

#6 The X-Files

The groundbreaking Fox television show created by Chris Carter burst onto the scene when I was just entering high school. I was immediately caught up in the tight, face paced scripts, the creepy stories, and the engaging characters Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. By the ninth season however the series had pretty much worn out its welcome but I hung in there. The series finale was a convoluted, tepid, and unsatisfying end to one of the best shows of the last quarter century. A military trial, the smoking man in a cave destroyed by a fighter jet's missile, Mulder and Scully having boring pillow talk in the final moments, and an episode that raised more questions than answers. Fortunately for the show the creators of the program made a second X Files film that was so bad it made the series finale of the television show look like the last episode of MASH.

#5 ALF

Growing up in the mid to late 80s it seemed like everyone was a fan of the brown haired, cat hungry alien from the planet Melmac. Watching Gordon Shumway (ALF's real name for those in the know) and his weekly antics with his adopted Earth family the Tanners, was a delight for me and my family. It is a tragedy that after 102 episodes ALF ended the way it did. About to be rescued by survivors from his home planet (including his believed lost love Rhonda) ALF is instead captured by the Alien Task Force and the episode ends with a "to be continued...." tag line. Um not so much. The series was canceled and even though the producers had a verbal agreement to do one more episode to resolve the cliffhanger, NBC never made good on its promise. Instead fans of the show were left pondering the fate of ALF and were later subjected to the horrible television movie Project ALF which wrapped up exactly nothing.

#4 Seinfeld

There are so many classic moments in this series. Whether it was being a "master of your domain", examining the problems with "shrinkage", or watching George trying to get bread from the "soup Nazi," this show almost never failed to entertain. I say almost because unfortunately the series finale was WEAK. While the premise had the potential to be funny (a group of former people from various episodes that Kramer, George, Elaine, and Jerry had wronged testifying at a trial) it fell flat on its face. You would think that with such classic characters at the trial like "low talker", Babu, Dr. Wexler, and others, the series end would be festooned with laughs. Alas the last episode proved to be painful to watch and inexplicably the four are sentenced to a year in jail. Crazy Joe Davola should have just killed this episode before the director yelled "action."

#3 The Sopranos

I followed this series off and on until I finally got back into it with my then fiance (now wife) Megan. Since the airing of "Made in America" three years ago many have come around on the controversial ending to the mafia based HBO drama. I am not one of them. What a jip. Silvio Dante is left in a coma, Phil gets whacked, and Uncle Junior gets left at the state mental hospital? WTF? But the worst part, of course, are the closing scenes. Six seasons of blood, greed, murder, sex, therapy, family, humor, and betrayal come down to a Journey song and an abrupt cut to black? This series deserved better and so did its fans.

#2 The Incredible Hulk

When I was five years old I had two obsessions when it came to television: The Dukes of Hazard and The Incredible Hulk. Watching the late, great Bill Bixby hulk out from week to week into the green Lou Ferrigno was awesome. I watched as reporter Jack McGee constantly chased after Dr. David Banner in his dogged pursuit of finding the Hulk. I listened as Joe Harnell's "The Lonely Man" played hauntingly at the beginning and end of the program. There were some excellent episodes including "Kindred Spirits" where Dr. Gabrielle White Cloud (played by a young Kim Cattrall) discovers a hulk-like metamorphosis at the dawn of man, or "Dark Side" where Bixby's character experiments with a mood altering chemical with psychotic side effects. Yet the series finale ("A Minor Problem") left the audience hanging like a WWII paratrooper dangling from a church steeple. The episode was a major problem for me (pun definitely intended) and had David fighting deadly bacteria in a deserted town. Banner's antagonist McGee was not in the final episode and the audience is left with Banner uncured and McGee no closer to finding out who John Doe (David Banner) really is. I'm sure this series finale made a number of fans want to hulk out.

#1 Quantum Leap

Up until LOST, Quantum Leap was my all-time favorite television show. The premise was awesome. A scientist named Sam Beckett (Scott Bakula) is lost in time after a botched experiment and has to "put right what once went wrong" in the past hoping that he would eventually get home. There were so many fantastic episodes that dealt with issues like race "The Color of Truth", the death penalty "Last Dance Before an Execution", rape "Raped", gay rights "Running for Honor", and even the Kennedy assassination, "Lee Harvey Oswald." As a Don Quixote type character, Sam was someone you rooted for and someone you ultimately wanted to see get home. After all the crap he went through and what he did for others I felt like that eventually he'd at LEAST get to go home. I couldn't have been more wrong. The series finale was quite good actually up until the final moments. After Sam leaps into himself at the exact moment of his birth and saves several miners in a local town, he then leaps to April of 1969 and informs Al's wife (Al is Sam's best friend and is able to help out in Sam's leaps by appearing as a hologram; Al is Sam's only link to Project Quantum Leap) that Al is alive and in a Viet Cong POW camp but that he is coming home. This saves Al's marriage. However, the screen then fades to black and states "Dr. Sam Beckett never returned home." This may have been the first time in my life I wanted to break the television. I felt totally betrayed. Here I had invested five seasons into this show and I'm rewarded with this? Why didn't the producers just kick me in the nuts with an iron toed boot while they were at it? To this day that series finale still infuriates me and it's been 17 years! What a colossal disappointment.

Well there you have it. Thanks for reading my scathing examination of botched television series finales. I promise soon that I will sweeten things up with a list of my favorite television series finales.

And the Fans are on the clock.....

As the final days of May give way to June, NFL fans can feel the football winds begin to blow. OTAs and minicamps are beginning, free agents will be signing next week, and football diehards can glimpse training camp just over the horizon. Also (as has been the norm for the last several years) the Brett Favre watch has begun. With it comes the inevitable gripes: he's a primadonna, he likes the attention, he's jerking his teammates around, he shouldn't be treated differently than anyone else, he's secretly having a love affair with John Madden, blah, blah, blah. You know what I say to that: who cares? I know I'm a little biased because Brett Favre is my all time favorite quarterback but why all the hate? This is par for the course for him, and it has been for almost a half dozen years. Why should this off season be any different? Unlike other years he's actually given some more definitive signs that he's coming back. Favre had ankle surgery recently and you don't do that if you plan on just driving a tractor and waffling on what HD television to buy. He even told the baseball team for his Alma mater that if they made it to the college world series again he'd come back and play. Come on? Seriously? Like he's not gonna come back and play. Fear not Vikings fans, #4 will be there on Sundays this Fall. And to those who say he shouldn't be given preferential treatment? Personally I think his teammates and the Vikings coaching staff and front office could care less when he shows up in training camp, as long as he's throwing TD passes in 2010 and getting them back to the playoffs. And not for nothing but when a guy has thrown 497 career td passes, thrown almost 70,000 yards passing, is an 11 time pro-bowler and a three time MVP, and made 300 consecutive starts counting the playoffs, I'd say he's earned some special treatment at the age of 40. The guy has been in the league for 19 years. Do you really think he needs a full training camp to get on track or a preseason that is WAY too long? The short answer is no. My advice is to not even pay attention to the Brett Favre watch or the people who bitch about it. Let the media do their little off season dog and pony show and rest assured that Favre will show up to Vikings training camp sometime in late August wearing a faded pair of Wranglers, carrying a VHS copy of "There's Something About Mary", and sporting a tobacco dip in his lower lip so big that it will look like someone surgically implanted Pat Williams into his chin.

A Lament for LOST

As a fan of LOST I was kind of a late arrival to the party. My parents had been fans from the beginning and my cousin was also a follower of the show. In many aspects it was kind of out of my character to NOT follow a show like this simply because I am such an enthusiastic fan of science fiction. It wasn't until about a year and a half ago that my good friend Mike finally convinced me to check it out. So I ventured to my trusty Netflix Que and added all available seasons to the list. How the hell did I miss the boat (or in this case maybe the plane) on this one? From the very first episode I was hooked. This show in a very literal sense became my addiction, my obsession for three months. I plowed through the seasons like Jonah Hill at a Cold Stone Creamery. My wife more than once got irritated at me, saying, "Ughh you have three DVDs and they're all LOST! Can I watch something for once?!" Sorry babe. This season was in fact the first season that I was able to watch on television. After last night's series finale, which I found extremely satisfying, I began to ask myself what is so indelible about LOST? Why are the fans so dedicated to the show? (By the way if you don't think LOST fans are dedicated to the cause just ask my Mom. She just went through a stem cell transplant and had a horrible week in the hospital, but despite being sick and exhausted she stayed up and watched LOST. THAT is dedication.) In a vast wasteland of television where shows like "I Love Money", "Jersey Shore", and other of their ilk seemed to rule the day, LOST was a shining beacon in the darkness. It was a smart, funny, well written show with intrigue and mystery. It challenged us week after week, kept us guessing as to what would come next. In fact I think most fans will agree that half the fun of the show was trying to figure A) what was going on B) what was going to happen next and C) what did it all mean. The rock solid foundation of LOST was its characters. They were relateable. They were flawed. They were in some instances heroic, in others despicable. In other words they were HUMAN. Look I love Two and a Half Men but let's face it, Charlie Harper is a one dimensional character. The characters on LOST had depth, as each flashback revealed. They were memorable. As fans we rejoiced in their triumphs and cried when some of them met tragic ends. I'll never forget the second to last episode where Hurley and Jack just broke down and cried after Jin and Sun drowned. I'm not ashamed to admit it made me cry. I felt their loss. I felt their grief. Fundamentally LOST is about the human condition; our fears, our hopes, our hate, and our loves. And maybe (in a very Christian sense) the opportunity for redemption, for forgiveness. No one exemplified this more than Ben Linus. It was a great moment in the series finale to hear Hurley tell Ben he was a great number two or to hear John Locke forgive Ben for killing him. As Terry Goodkind wrote, "There is magic in forgiveness." That is why LOST is so indelible. That is why people will talk about this show for years to come, why it will stick in peoples' mind long after the shows conclusion. And now to address the series finale. I for one was very satisfied with the outcome. Obviously there are going to be people out there who are not happy with how the series ended. Too many loose ends they will say. But at the end of your life, I don't care who you are, there will be loose ends whether they be minor or major. The series finale was filled with so many powerful moments, the biggest realization being that the bizzaro alternative universe was actually the afterlife, or at the very least another plane of existence. And what is the afterlife if not a place where your hopes are fulfilled, where you see your loved ones again, where our better natures are fully realized. LOST is a promise of hope. A promise that we are more than just flesh and bone. That we are MORE. That we aren't all here by accident. We have a purpose, a destiny, a destiny that we have the free will to shape and form as we see fit. As Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." One of the great debates henceforth will be what exactly was the island, or more specifically what is the heart of the island? What were Jacob and then Hurley really protecting? Everyone will come to their own conclusions. That's what I think is one of the key messages of LOST. You have to come to your own conclusions about the great questions, about life, the afterlife, and the universe. For me personally I think that they were protecting hope and knowledge, the light that shines within all human beings. Hope and knowledge are two things worth protecting, even worth dying for. Why shouldn't we stand up and ward against those who would destroy our hopes, who would bend knowledge to their own will, who would stamp out the light in all of us? That last is a key message of LOST, at least to me. In the end LOST will speak to people in different ways and that's what makes the show so amazing. In my opinion LOST was the most important show of the last 25 years. Not since the MASH series finale has there been such focus on the end of a television show. Sunday night was bittersweet. The end of LOST was kind of like going to a funeral for a well loved friend or relative. A funeral that celebrates the life of the person; the joy and passion he or she brought to that life. I think the best way fans can honor the memory of LOST is to remember that each day is a gift, that (as hokey as it may sound) we are all special. I personally intend to honor LOST's legacy in the best way I know how: by loving my family, counting my blessings, and living my life knowing that the destination is not nearly as important as the journey.

Why do fans looks the other way?

There a thread of hypocrisy that weaves its way through the world of sports that no one seems willing to address. Why is it that fans are so outraged when they find out about players in MLB using performing enhancing drugs and yet look the other way when it comes to players in the NFL? When a baseball player tests positive for steroids there are cries of suspension, banning the player from the hall of fame, abolishing the player's statistics from the record books, and Congressional hearings. Yet when the public discovers that an NFL player has been suspended for steroids the typical questions are "When's the soonest he can come back and play for my team?" and "How is this going to impact my fantasy football league?" So why the hypocrisy? Let's not kid ourselves, steroids in the NFL are just as rampant as they are in MLB, probably even more so. Except for an extremely select few, no person can physically resemble some of the players we see storming the fields on Sunday afternoons without some kind of enhancement. I think the reason we see this hypocrisy is while baseball may be America's past time, football is America's passion. No fan of football wants to see that passion fade to a dull ember. American football fans have become like a 12 year old still believing there is Santa Claus even when all his friends have shown him evidence to the contrary. Fans want aerial shows, long touchdowns, bone crushing blocks, and what the public wants the players are willing to provide. And if the tools they use to provide the product are less than legal well we just can't be bothered. I say "we" because I include myself in the conversation. I'm just as culpable as anyone else. But I say we have to hold the NFL to a higher standard and root out steroids. Will it happen? More than likely not because green is the color everyone in the business cherishes the most. Let me give you a scary statistic: In 1966 the offensive line for the Green Bay Packers (the first Superbowl champion) weighed an average of 243 pounds. In 2002 the offensive line for the SUNY Brockport Golden Eagles division III football team weighed an average of 290 lbs. That's astonishing. The product has become bigger, faster, and stronger over time. We could draw a line in the sand and try to put a stop to this mess. Unfortunately some pharmacology expert would probably just find away to hide it with a masking agent.

Berman with star on the Hollywood walk of fame??

Well leave it to Hollywood to do something sensible while simultaneously doing something just batshit insane. One of the more underrated and subtle actors of the last 25 years (2012 not withstanding) John Cusack is finally getting his just due and getting a star on the Hollywood walk of fame. His works have ranged from classic 80s films (Sixteen Candles, Better Off Dead), to sweet romantic comedies (Must Love Dogs and the always imitated Say Anything), to the serious (8 Men Out and the severely under appreciated western The Jack Bull), to the downright hilarious (High Fidelity, Grosse Point Blank). His charm, clever wit, and everyman looks have made him a staple of Hollywood and a leading man for two decades. The award is well deserved.

What isn't well deserved is Chris Berman's reception of a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Um what?? Look the guy is a legend in the sports broadcasting world and along with his cohort Tom Jackson has paved the way for how NFL coverage is handled. On the downside he's become a hackneyed caricature of himself. If I have to hear him make witty reference about NFL players' names or "back, back, back, back....gone" at the MLB Homerun Derby much longer I'm going to hang myself from the nearest goal post. And as for his "film" career....somehow I don't think that Necessary Roughness, Eddie (yes the one where Whoopi Goldberg coaches the New York Knicks), or Little Big League qualify him for a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Hey that's Hollywood for you. For every Shawshank Redemption there is a White Chicks to even the score. For every correct move there is a ridiculous decision. For Tinseltown this is just par for the course.

Quick Corrections

Hey just a quick correction on the last post. Chuck is actually on NBC not ABC. Also Lendell White is apparently with the Seahawks now so the Titans officially have no running game without Chris Johnson. Also the Flashforward part should state a "global blackout" rather than a "national global blackout." Thanks goes out to my unofficial proof reader Mike Pagano.

Requiem for a great show

Well the end of the television season is almost upon us and I have to say that one of my favorite shows of the new year was ABC's FlashForward. For those of you who didn't watch it, the program involves a nationwide global blackout where people see what's going to happen to them six months in the future. The majority of the show centers around characters trying to find out what happened, what it means, and if there could be another one. Unfortunately the show has been canceled. ABC of course blames the low ratings but that's a total copout. They have only themselves to blame. The show was going well in the fall and then poof ABC decides to screw the pooch and save new episodes until March. March? Seriously ABC? Didn't you learn anything from LOST season 3? People HATE long delays like that. I know I did. And by the time the show rolled back around people had forgotten about it. The viewers had moved on to bigger and better things. So they canceled it. And yet ABC plans to bring back gems like Cougar Town and V. Where is the justice? I also have a feeling that they aren't even going to bother giving FlashForward a decent wrap-up. FlashForward I think deserves that much. My one friend Mike (who is a fan) told me today that if they aren't going to wrap it up he's not going to bother watching the final episodes. I can't blame him. Why should he reward ABC for their stupidity? Oh well. At least ABC decided to bring one of my favorite shows, Chuck, back next year. Maybe ABC isn't completely braindead after all.

Chris Johnson wants "straight cash homie!"

Look we all know that the NFL and professional sports in general operate on a different economic level. I'm not here to debate whether it makes sense for somebody to make $10 million dollars a year to dribble a basketball or kick a field goal. Understood? Got that out of the way? Good. Now I can talk about Chris Johnson's situation without that other baggage. Anyhoo RB Chris Johnson is starting to get a lot of flak in the press and the public for his threat to hold out until he renegotiates his contract. He's coming up on the third year of a 5 year deal and is set to make $550,000 in 2010. Having outperformed his contract in 2009 (2000 plus yards from scrimmage) he not surprisingly wants to get paid. My opinion: he's absolutely right. Owners have no right to bitch about these situations at all because when a player underperforms and has a lucrative contract they usually ask him to renegotiate his contract. And if the player refuses? More than likely they get cut. Why shouldn't the reverse be true? If you outperform your contract wouldn't it be logical to try to renegotiate your contract, especially when the average NFL player's career is 3 years? It's not like baseball where if you sign a contract the team has to pay it. The only guaranteed money is the signing bonus. You have to make your money while you can. If this was a matter of Johnson wanting 10 million dollars and the Titans were only offering nine I'd tell 28 to suck it. That's not the case though. This guy is getting paid chump change by NFL standards for what he brings to the table. And seriously Tennessee do you want to leave your running game to Lendell "I dropped 30 pounds by not drinking tequila" White? Bud Adams do your fan base a favor, retract that middle finger that you like to wag around, open the cash register, and pay the man.

This Week's Movie Releases!

Here are this week's movie releases for Tuesday May 18:

Invictus, The Messenger, Valentines Day, When in Rome, Extraordinary Measures ("I already work around the clock!", The Spy Next Door (vomit), Walkabout, Eclipse 21, The New Daughter, Carlito's Way (Blu-Ray).

Some Honesty From The Beef!

Hey let's face it Transformers 2 was a crapfest. Racist robots, Transformer Nads, and Megan Fox "acting" do not a good film make. It's not surprising then that star Shia Labeouf apologized for the shoddy film saying it lost its "heart." If by "heart" you mean a Michael Bay induced explosion fest. Anyway now Shia has followed up regarding Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and the media is running with it. He freely admits that he and Steven Spielberg "dropped the ball." He also said that both he and Harrison Ford had discussions and were unsatisfied overall with the film. Of course (like with anything) the media is blowing this whole thing out of preportion and acting like this is a huge apology for the film. To me it's not. It's an admittance that the movie wasn't all that it could have been and Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, and Lawrence Kasdan bear some of the blame. He's not throwing them under the bus. Shia's telling the truth. He also said that he has tremendous respect for Spielberg, that he's made his career. Why all the hate? Look I really did a 180 on Indy 4. At first I thought it was a pile of crap but I've watched it since and grown to like it. There were some very entertaining moments in the film. Having said that did we need to swing through the jungles with monkeys or have aliens dominate the last 15 minutes of the film? No. It could have been better and I hope Indy 5 is better. I think it will be. But for the love of God get off this guy's back for throwing out some honesty, which lets face it is rare in Hollywood.

Review Iron Man 2

Plot: It's been six months since Tony Stark shouted to the world "I am Iron Man!" and the world seems to be on the fast track to peace. However, Mr. Stark has more pressing concerns on the agenda. The government wants his suit, the power source for his metal masterpiece is slowly killing him, and even his good friends Virginia "Pepper" Potts and Lt. Colonel James "Rhodey" Rhoades are increasingly frustrated by Tony's narcissistic attitude. Throw in a pissed off new nemesis with major daddy issues and a competing weapons industry company CEO looking to outdo Stark Industries and you've got one hell of crisis for the man of metal.

Review: Iron Man 2 is a satisfying if not earth shattering follow up to Jon Favreau's 2008 original. While the film sports some strong performances, good action, and witty dialogue, Iron Man 2 in some respects feels like a six inch veggie sub at Subway: you just want more. Although by necessity the film is centered around Tony Stark/Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) it seems that the character overshadows his supporting cast, if that's possible. Even though Ivan Vanko/Whiplash (Mickey Rourke) is the main villain in Iron Man 2 he wasn't nearly in it as much as I was expecting, which is sad because Rourke is perfect for the role. Showing off black prison tats and an authentic Russian accent, Rourke brings a gritty grimy realism to this character ala Randy "The Ram" Robinson from the excellent movie The Wrestler. His malevolence is palpable. Helping him out is Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell ) a rival weapons manufacturer. Although Rockwell delivers some excellent lines in the film, his character is too two dimensional for even this excellent actor to provide a memorable performance.

Replacing Terrance Howard as Lt. James "Rhodey" Rhodes/War Machine is Don Cheadle who is serviceable but whose character is almost regulated to sidekick rather than equal superhero status. Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) really gets to shine in the sequel. Pepper is Tony's perfect foil; a tough, smart woman immune to Tony's ego driven charm yet at the same time deeply devoted to her boss. We also receive a flashy and entertaining performance out of Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury, the one-eyed head of S.H.I.E.L.D. While Fury wants to believe in Tony, he sees him as a loose cannon incapable of working in a team based environment. Even Gary Shandling (who I typically cannot stand because he's usually so painfully unfunny) is hilarious as the smarmy snarky Senator Stern. The only real disappointing performance in this film is surprisingly Scarlett Johansson as Natalie Rushman/Black Widow. While she is resplendent in tight black leather and her action sequences are some of the best in the film, Johansson approaches the role like a Buffalo Bills linebacker, tentative and ineffective. Thank God she's easy on the eyes.

The saving grace of Iron Man 2 is three fold: the action sequences, the dialogue, and the flawless performance of Robert Downey Jr. What Iron Man 2 lacks in quantity of action sequences, it makes up for in quality. Whether it is Whiplash blasting apart race cars or Iron Man and War Machine taking on some Hammer Industry Drones, the action is as well choreographed as it is visually stimulating. (In my opinion the best action sequence of the entire movie didn't even involve Iron Man!)

Iron Man 2 writer Justin Theroux has also penned some excellent lines in this film. The dialogue strikes just the right balance, not too comicbookesque to sound hokey and not to dark to lose the heart, humor, and realism. Kudos to him and let us hope he's on board for Iron Man 3.

And as for Robert Downey Jr, well as cliched as it sounds, some guys are just born to play a role. Downey is perfect in the part of narcissistic billionaire playboy Tony Stark. Stark can be an egomaniac with a flair for the dramatic and a disdain for authority, but at the same time he's a guy you root for. Stark is not an Iron Man in his personal life. His inability to relate to his long dead father, a dependence on alcohol, and not having a solid romantic relationship make him a relatable character. Downey brings all of those flaws to light. We get a unique insight into the larger than life superhero and the flawed man hiding within.

While Iron Man 2 doesn't outshine it's predecessor, there is definitely no rust on this sequel.

My rating 8/10

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome!

Hello to All--

This is my first official blog entry for my blog site thecookiejar-corrye. On this site I'll be posting numerous blogs on movies, books, television, Hollywood, celebrities, random thoughts, and maybe even some politics. (But not too much.) Anyway I hope you enjoy reading my blogs as much as I enjoy writing them!