Plot: Based on the mega-hit vampire novels from author Stephanie Meyer, the third installment in the successful franchise once again finds Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) struggling through relationships and real life threats. While Bella's vampire love Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) pressures Bella into marriage and rival werewolf suitor Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) tries drawing Bella away from the bloodsuckers, other trouble waits in the shadows. Vampire Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) blames Edward for the loss of her vampire mate James and is planning to even the score by killing Bella. With an army of new born Seattle vampires heading to Forks, Washington for an all-out war, werewolves and vampires alike must unite to defend their homes and protect those they love.
***NOTE*** Far be it from me a self-proclaimed Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Star Trek, and Harry Potter fan to cast aspersions on another equally successful franchise with an equally devoted (sometimes compulsively so) fanbase. That would be like Hitler calling Stalin high strung. I also freely admit that I have a deep-seeded bias when it comes to vampires. I prefer bloodthirsty monsters that wreak carnage rather than brooding whiny bitches that sparkle in the sunlight. Consequently I have made the executive decision to give TWO ratings to this film for Twilight fans and regular movie goers. Incidentally I find it fascinating that just as Star Trek fans are called Trekkies, Twilight fans are called Twihards. I assume this is a combination of Twilight and diehards. Although it's awfully close to "tards" as well. Hmmm....But I digress. On to the review! ***NOTE***
Review: As an avid fan of cinema I find it convenient whenever possible to read the novels that any films have been based on. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your point of view) I have read all four of Stephanie Meyer's novels. I equate them to cotton candy. It's sugary and sweet and goes down easy but there is virtually no substance to it. The same can't always be said for the films. While the substance is still non-existent the sugar is often absent as well.
The fundamental and key ingredient to any successful film is acting. Unfortunately the bakers at Summit Entertainment forgot about that ingredient when they were putting this turd-pie together. The acting in Eclipse is so atrocious it makes Jenna Jameson look Oscar worthy. Let's break it down shall we?
It's a good thing that Robert Pattinson has hordes of fans that faint at his brooding good looks, because his career after this franchise has ended is not promising. This guy couldn't act his way out of a coffin if it was unlocked and he had a fully functioning chainsaw besides. Pattinson as Edward is vapid and tedious, completely incapable of displaying any other emotion besides petulance and disdain. It's like they ripped him right out of the goth group from South Park. I mean my God this asshat seemed like a whiny emo kid who missed his latest latte enema! His "chemistry" with Bella is severely lacking. Kind of important considering these films are romances! Even more suprising since these two are supposedly in an off the screen romance as well. I've seen 7th grade stage kisses that had more spark and authenticity than these two making out.
Equally horrific is the acting of Pattinson's counterpart Kristen Stewart. Talk about your dead fish. Her endless entreaties for Edward to change her are so mind numbingly boring I started wondering if it was too late to leave the theater and rent Booty Call. That film would have been exponentially more captivating than watching Bella discuss with her Dad her virginity. Good God. Stewart's character rarely, if ever, seems to show emotion. It's as if her diet consists of Thorazine milkshakes. Snore. (Incidentally is it really healthy for young girls to admire and emulate a character who defines herself solely through her man? That's not a very good recipe for self-esteem if you ask me.)
And rounding out this trio of acting duds is Taylor Lautner, who also vies for Bella's love as the werewolf Jacob Black. In all honestly I think Lautner is going to go on to have the most successful career of these three. Once he frees himself from the shackles of this franchise I think he could have a very successful career as an action star. However, we exist in the here and now and in Eclipse he flat out sucks. The guy is nothing but eye-candy. I'm sure the ladies will appreciate his rippling abs and broad chest but don't look for anything beyond that. (It's a wonder the guy even owns a shirt because he's topless through most of the film.) Whereas Stewart and Pattinson's acting is so subdued as to be bereft of emotion, Lautner's acting is nothing but feigned emotion. I never believed it when he became angry or professed his love for Bella. Lautner was completely unconvincing.
The only thing that saves Eclipse somewhat are its visuals, music, and action. Javier Aguiresarobe does an excellent job of capturing Vancouver's beautiful countryside. The captivating images of mountains, rivers, and forests seemed wasted on film as bad as this one. Oscar winner Howard Shore also lends a score that fits the raw nature of the environment and Nancy Richardson and Art Jones's editing is sharp and remarkable in its clarity. Also film goers will be treated to a much more action laden Twilight film than its predecessors. I have to admit that the fighting scenes at the end of the film were excellent thanks in large part to director David Slade who also directed the far superior 30 Days of Night.
Even Slade could not save Eclipse from its material however. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg did nothing to try to save Meyer's stilted and banal dialogue. As I've already said the acting in this film was atrocious but to be fair actors can't do much with dialogue that is the PG-13 equivalent of a Reading Rainbow session with Levar Burton. Even the strong acting of Dakota Fanning as Volturi vampire Jane cannot resurrect language that is deader than a staked vampire.
Having said all this Eclipse will undoubtedly please Twilight fans world-wide. Fans can be incredibly myopic when it comes to characters and stories that they love. I admit that. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier is not a very good movie but I own it because I'm a Star Trek fan. Eclipse fans will be happy to know it is the best of the the Twilight films thus far. However, that is kind of like saying one bowl of shit stinks the least from the three in front of me.
My rating for Twilight fans: 9/10
My rating for regular moviegoers: 3/10
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