Review: Predators

Plot: A group of Earth's elite killers are kidnapped and stranded in the jungle. When the group discovers that they are actually on a remote planet and being hunted for sport, they must join together to survive.

Review: Oh how I had such high hopes for Predators. The trailers looked excellent, the cast seemed solid, and I even like the premise. Unfortunately like the author Thomas Wolfe once wrote, "you can't go home again." The 2010 incarnation of Predators directed by the unfortunately named Nimrod Antal can't hold a candle to the 1987 original. In fact it can't hold a candle to Predator 2.

What made the original Predator work so well was the fantastic chemistry between guys like Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, and Jesse Ventura. Unfortunately, the cast of Predators couldn't develop any chemistry if Adrian Brody and Lawrence Fishburne covered themselves in baking soda and vinegar and hugged. Take the fights between Stans (Walter Goggins) a death row inmate and Mombassa (Mahershalalhashbaz Ali) an R.U.F. death squad soldier. The animosity and fights are so feigned I think third graders on the playground could have organized better fight scenes.

The lack of chemistry is just indicative of a greater problem: the terrible characters. You notice I didn't say actors I said characters. I feel bad for the actors in this film because Predators didn't give them anything to work with. Everyone is one dimensional, whether it's the reluctant leader Royce (Adrian Brody who does an admiral job despite the material) or the peacemaker with the haunted past Isabelle (Alice Bragga). And what the holy hell is Topher Grace (playing a doctor named Edwin) doing in this movie? He's completely miscast and sounds like he just walked off the set of That 70s Show. By the way any of you who thought Lawrence Fishburne, who plays Roland Noland (yes that's his character's name) a stranded U.S. Air Calvary soldier might save this film, think again. Forget the fact that he looks like he swallowed Ice Cube, his character acts so bat shit crazy insane that it's laughable.

Michael Finch and Alex Litvak's script is pedestrian and predictable with characters dying off at slated times in very standard ways, an unsurprising last moment twist, and an ending that unfortunately leaves room open for a sequel. Finch and Litvak need to brush up on those things called "character development" and "plot." Furthermore Antal needs watch some Alfred Hitchcock films and learn how to create tension. Nimrod do us all a favor and come back when your only claims to fame aren't this film and Armored. Weak, weak, weak.

I will admit that some of Predators was fun. Gyula Pados's cinematography accented the multifaced jungle setting and sparked memories of the original film. The audience is introduced to a new kind of Predator which was cool. And I did get to see one of the actors kill a Predator with a samurai sword. Composer John Debney also tried to recapture Alan Silvestri's original theme and in some instances succeeded.

Overall though Predators was a pale shade of John McTiernan's 80s action fest. It's not as bad as Aliens vs Predator: Requiem but this film definitely does not get to the chopper.

My rating: 3/10