Review: X-Men: First Class

Plot: Set primarily in 1962 during the Cuban Missile Crisis, X-Men: First Class follows the exploits of a young Dr. Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and Erik Lensherr/Magneto (Michael Fassbender). Meeting under extreme circumstances, the two quickly form a friendship, and with the help of Xavier's adopted sister Raven Darkholme/Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) begin laying the foundation for Xavier's future school for mutants. However, when a man from Erik's past, Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon), resurfaces and threatens the future of mankind, Charles, Erik, Raven, and the rest of the young X-Men must band together to prevent a global nuclear holocaust.

Review: After the putrid pile of rancid excrement that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Fox and Marvel Studios desperately needed a comeback. Well mission accomplished. Not only is X-Men: First Class a worthy edition to the comic book universe, it also manages to be a smartly constructed thriller as well.

The heart of X-Men: First Class lies in its cast, and director Matthew Vaughn did an excellent job of finding the right people for the right roles. James McAvoy shines as the young and cocksure Professor X, a ladies man who exploits his psychic powers to get women into bed, much to the frustration of his sister Raven. Professor X is driven by a desperate need to incorporate mutants into mainstream society and believes tolerance and patience will win the day. His vision while naive is also idealistic and grounded in a sincere personal desire to belong.

Friend and colleague Erik does not share Charles's vision, and believes that not only will humans ultimately reject mutants but that mutants are the superior species. This is unquestionably Fassbender's breakout role. Formerly regulated to bit parts in movies like 300 and Jonah Hex, Fassbender spectacularly captures the struggle between Erik's angels and demons. Driven by revenge, Fassbender comes across as a smooth, almost James Bond-like character that exudes malice and masculine bravado in equal measure. The scene where he confronts former Nazis is as enthralling as is it is harrowing. He and McAvoy have excellent chemistry and I sincerely hope that they work together again.

I would also be remiss if I didn't mention the dead on performance by Kevin Bacon as sadistic ex-Nazi Sebastian Shaw. Rarely have I reviled a character on screen more than I have Bacon's Shaw. Rather than turning Shaw into a stereotypical villain twirling his mustache, Bacon fully fleshes out the main villain of First Class making for a profound and fascinating character. He serves as a reflection of what Erik could ultimately become.

Without question the real ringleader of X-Men: First Class is director Matthew Vaughn. He brings a passion and energy to these characters only equaled by Christopher Nolan's passion for Batman. He surrounded himself with excellent writers and formulated a story around a real crisis in American history that was relateable and believable. Vaughn made us feel for the mutants on a human level and what better way to do that then to set the film in the 1960s, a time of tremendous political, civil, and racial upheaval? Matthew Vaughn brings a fresh look to the franchise and manages to captivate the audience with vivid action scenes or a quiet dialogue driven chess match.

To grossly butcher a popular 90s rap line by LL Cool J, "don't call it a comeback because we haven't been here before." X-Men: First Class breaks ground on a new comic book era of awesomeness. Let's hope the mutant mojo continues in the inevitable sequel.

My rating: 9/10

Review: The Hangover Part II

Plot: The wolf pack returns when Phil (Bradley Cooper), Alan (Zach Galifianakis), and Stu (Ed Helms) gather in Bangkok for Stu's impending wedding to the beautiful Lauren (Jamie Chung). While Stu desires only a quiet bachelor brunch with the boys, the lures of Bangkok soon lead to tattoos, a missing future brother in law, and even a run in with the coke snorting Mr. Chow (Ken Jeong).

Review: Let's face it it's difficult to produce a funny and engaging sequel to a popular comedy. For every Christmas Vacation and American Pie 2 there is a Blues Brothers 2000 and a Caddyshack II. While The Hangover Part II doesn't necessarily fall into the category of the former, it's not even close to being a member of the latter. The second edition of the franchise (as there will undoubtedly be a third because hey, this is Hollywood and money talks) is consistently funny if sometimes uneven in tone and pace.

One of the weak points of the first film was not having a clearly defined main character. While all four characters were funny and had fantastic chemistry (they still do) no one really stood out from the group as a leader. Director Todd Phillips has righted that wrong in the second Hangover making Stu the main character. Despite reportedly horrible bouts of food poisoning in Bangkok, Ed Helms puts on his best performance to date. While Stu's encounter at a Buddhist temple was hysterical, it was nothing compared to the pure shock value of Stu's discovery that he slept with a kathoey prostitute. (I just can't tell you what a kathoey prostitute is, it would ruin the surprise. Let's just say it pushes the bounds of an R rating.) Moreover, Helms exceeds at displaying Stu's struggles with his "dark side" and his desperate desire to prove to his future father in law that he is worthy of his daughter.

Cooper continues his role as the wise cracking Phil, as he gets the lion's share of the one liners in The Hangover Part II. Zach Galifiankis as Alan isn't quite as funny as he was in the original, but his lovable doofiness still shines through. Alan's initial responses during the post awakening scenes are priceless. Ken Jeong however I found to be rather boring as Mr. Chow. Jeong is quickly becoming a one trick pony as the "crazy Asian guy" in films and the performance was way over the top.

Where The Hangover Part II fails is in pacing and plot. Things seem to jump from one crazy scene to another, some of which are downright ridiculous. (Stu's future brother in law Teddy, who is the one lost in the sequel, somehow gets mixed up in the Bangkok mob? Really?) Furthermore, the reason the group blacks out again is contrived and pat. I had hoped that writers Scott Armstrong, Craig Mazin, and Todd Phillips would have come up with better plot points. Their greatest strength is in dialogue not story. Also Mike Tyson kind of randomly shows up at the end of the film. It's like they knew the audience was expecting him to be in there so they just tacked him on at the end.

One thing I did appreciate was Lawrence Sher's cinematography. He captured Bangkok in a unique way, highlighting the drab and dank nature of its slums while simultaneously illuminating the beauty of Thailand's beaches and wilderness. Sher's got my early vote for an Academy Award in cinematography although I doubt he'll even get a nomination because this is a comedy.

The best compliment I can pay The Hangover Part II is that it was a funny film. If you can look past the weak plot points, choppy pace, and slightly long duration, you'll discover a visually appealing and consistently funny film. And after all isn't laughing the real point of any comedy?

My rating: 7/10

July DVD/Blu Ray Release Dates

July 5th: Hobo with a Shotgun, 13 Assassins, Of Gods and Men, Das Boot, Gettysburg/Gods and Generals, The Cape (series), Eureka season 4, Boy Meets World season 6

July 12th: The Lincoln Lawyer, Insidious, Brother's Justice, Miral, Brazil, Naked, Entourage season 7, ER season 15, Damages season 3, Battle Beyond the Stars, Dinocroc vs Supergator, Damnation Alley

July 15th: Rango, Arthur

July 19th: Limitless, Take Me Home Tonight, Tekken, Beauty and the Beast, The Music Room, Amelie, Boys in the Hood, Chocolat, Bridget Jones's Diary, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Doctor Who Season 6 part I, Hey Dude season 1, Young Justice, The Reef, House of the Rising Sun

July 26th: Source Code, Trust, Dylan Dog, Life During Wartime, Leon Morin Priest, High and Low, Animal House, Blues Brothers, Torso, Stargate Atlantis

Review: Bridesmaids

Plot: Annie (Kristen Wiig) is a woman in her mid-thirties selling rings at a local jewelry store after failing in a bakery shop venture. Lonely, broke, and finding occasional comfort in sex buddy Ted (Jon Hamm) Annie suddenly is asked to be the maid of honor at her best friend Lillian's wedding. However, her rivalry with Lillian's friend Helen (Rose Byrne) causes unexpected and sometimes funny complications.

Review: Many critics have touted director Paul Feig's Bridesmaids as a hilarious anti-chick flick comedy. I unfortunately am not one of those people. Considering the impressive cast going in I was severely underwhelmed by the cheap gross out jokes, incredibly predictable plot, and a running time that was too long by at least a half an hour.

Kriten Wiig's Annie evokes little if no empathy and I found it very difficult to care about her plight. She laments everything from her broke down car, her fading relationship with Lillian, and her dismal love life. Make no mistake though Annie is no victim of circumstance. She chooses all of the bad decisions she makes managing somehow to even ruin her budding relationship with local police officer Nathan Rhodes (The I.T. Crowd's Chris O'Dowd). When Lillian (temporarily) kicks Annie out of her wedding it's not only deserved but a relief.

Meanwhile director Paul Feig should have enacted more creative control over Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo's script. Rather than attempting at least a modicum of wit, Feig instead capitalizes almost exclusively on gross out humor like the bridesmaids' disastrous trip to a Brazilian restaurant or future sister in law Megan's (Melissa McCarthy) raunchy come on to a airplane passenger. Somehow Bridesmaids even managed to work in an appearance by musical group Wilson Phillips just to make the travesty complete.

Bridesmaids by no means is a completely awful film. Melissa McCarthy (who you may recognize from television's Mike and Molly) provides several very needed laughs throughout the film as Megan. Her Fight Club suggestion for a bachelorette party is particularly hilarious. Rose Byrne is strong as the uber rich Helen who tries to outdo Annie at every turn. However, the Damages television star seems more suited to drama than she does for comedy.

Bridesmaids masquerades itself as a raunchy guy comedy without the guys. Unfortunately it just doesn't work on screen. Guys don't let your women fool you, this is a chick flick all the way. You won't want to show up for the engagement party let alone the wedding in Bridesmaids.

My rating: 4/10

Review: Thor

Plot: God of Thunder Thor (Chris Hemsworth), heir to the Asgardian throne is young, brash and arrogant. When he defies his father Odin (Anthony Hopkins) and attacks the home of the frost giants, Odin strips Thor of his magic hammer Mjolnir and thus his power. Odin also banishes Thor to Earth hoping to teach him humility and the value of leadership. However, with Thor absent his brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) plots to steal the throne from Odin. It's up to Thor, with the help of physicist Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) to reclaim his birthright and the throne of Asgard.

Review: Get read to feel the thunder! In an era where comic movies have flooded the local cinema, director Kenneth Branaugh's Thor stands out as a welcome edition to the Marvel family. Full of pulse pounding action, riveting special effects, and a plot that draws heavily from Norse mythology, Thor went far and above my expectations.

Little known Aussie actor Chris Hemsworth, whose previous movie credits include playing George Kirk in 2009's Star Trek, and a small part in the thriller A Perfect Getaway, proves definitively in Thor that he is more than capable of carrying a film. Sporting long blond hair, a beard, and a physique that looks like it was carved by Michelangelo, Hemsworth is every bit the physical presence you'd expect the God of Thunder to be. Moreover he's a good actor! In my opinion it is easy to play an arrogant, entitled brat and make no mistake Hemsworth was fantastic at portraying the cocky, almost jock like character. But to see the transformation that Hemsworth goes through to become a humble and wise leader is impressive. This is a breakout role that will surely catapult Hemsworth beyond next year's Avengers. Similarly Tom Hiddleston also undergoes a transformation from a loving if jealous brother to a scheming and covetous villain. He is the perfect foil to Hemsworth's Thor. Speaking of perfect I don't know if Branaugh could have cast anyone better to play Odin than Oscar winner Anthony Hopkins. He exudes royalty and his scenes with Hemsworth have a powerful emotional impact. Natalie Portman however comes across as extremely bland in the role of Thor's love interest. There was little if any chemistry between the two and after a dramatic turn in Black Swan she really seemed out of place as a physicist let alone a Marvel superhero movie.

Yet Thor bares little resemblance to any Marvel superhero movie I've every seen. English actor/director Kenneth Branaugh sets a good pace in Thor and balances action with emotional scenes. His choice to stick with the Norse mythology was inspired. It works in the film and proves a nice counterbalance to the scenes on Earth. Much of the plot's success can also be contributed to screenwriters Ashley Edward Miller, Zack Stenz, and Don Payne. Their development of the first major action scene on the frost giants' home world is epic.

Speaking of epic, you can't mention a superhero movie without the special effects. Asgard is a breathtaking rich and golden sight to behold. The frost giants' home world however is dark, cold, and brimming with ghoulish CGI monsters. None of the CGI effects come across as campy or dull but instead are bright, vibrant, and realistic. (The Blu-ray edition of Thor should be quite interesting.) You might want to skip the 3D version however as it is not really worth the price of admission. (As are most 3D movies today but that's a topic for another article and another day.)

In a season full of puffed up big budge garbage factories, Thor rises above the competition and cracks through the theaters like a peal of Thunder. Here's to the next lightening strike in Thor 2.

My rating: 8/10

I'M BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN!!!!

Hello all! Sorry it's been so long but I've been quite busy over the last two months what with new job. Don't fret however. Over the next few weeks I have plenty of reviews coming your way starting with Thor. After all this is summer! There's plenty of movie blockbusters to go around.

Original Cast Back for T5???

Great Krom! What is going on with the Terminator franchise? Latino Review is now reporting that not only will AH-NOLD return for T5, but that the ENTIRE ORIGINAL CAST will as well. This mess is quickly becoming more perplexing than a gubernatorial speech from the man who brought you Jingle All the Way.

By original cast presumably this means Linda Hamilton, Michael Biehn, and possibly Edward Furlong. Hmmm...let's see. Michael Biehn's character of Kyle Reese died at the end of the first movie, Linda Hamilton's character of Sarah Conner died of cancer as stated in T3, and I'm not sure how Edward Furlong would fit in considering the character of John Conner has been portrayed by two different actors already. Add to this the fact that Arnie is now 63 and you have more obstacles to maneuver around than Lil' John has gold teeth. Come to think of it all this disaster needs is some Crunk Juice to top it all off.

The working title is Terminator 2012 and is supposed to be set in the modern day. With all the aforementioned factors is this movie going to be a direct sequel, a sideways prequel, a semi-reboot? Will it even be watchable?

Either way it's not going to be Arnie's first film back as originally reported. Instead Schwarzenegger will do the dramatic film Cry Macho by director Brad Furman. Clint Eastwood was once attached to the role, about an aging horse trainer who's fired by his rich boss and then kidnaps his boss's son, only to find that his parents don't really want the kid back. Sounds different than the normal fare we're used to from the governator. Filming on the movie could begin as early as this summer.

It just occurred to me that ideas like the ones I've just reported on is why mankind might be better off if computers conquered the Earth. Or at least KALI-FORN-YA.

Steve McQueen Biopic Coming Soon

It's Jeremy Renner's world and we're all just living in it. The Academy Award nominated actor (The Hurt Locker, The Town) not only is currently filming The Avengers and will voice a character in next year's Ice Age: Continental Drift, he also is starring alongside Tom Cruise in this Fall's Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.

Amidst his busy schedule, Renner also managed to start up his own production company, The Combine, with partner Don Handfield. The company's first movie is an ambitious project to say the least. It's a biopic on the life of movie icon Steve McQueen. Based mostly on the Marshall Terrill books Portrait of An American Rebel and The Life and Legend of a Hollywood Icon, Renner is set to produce and star in the film while James Gray will adapt the script.

Steve McQueen was the poster boy for cool back in the 60s and 70s. Films like The Magnificent Seven, The Great Escape, and Papillon made him a legend. McQueen was a man's man who liked to do his own stunts and unfortunately died of cancer caused by asbestos at the age of 50. I have to say I've been extremely impressed with Renner of late (his performance in The Town was epic) and I have a lot of faith in his ability. Whether or not he'll be able to pull off Steve McQueen's inherent toughness and cool is another story.

"Hey Bieber Say Hi to your Mother for me!"

I'm pretty sure the Mayans didn't predict this one but I'm positive it's further proof that the end of the world is approaching. This week Mark Wahlberg spoke at a Time 100 gala event in NYC and mentioned that he and Justin Bieber (who he once dubbed "the white Tupac" and no I'm not making that up) will be starring in an upcoming movie for Paramount. As preposterous as this whole idea sounds, even more ridiculous is the plot. Wahlberg states that the movie is about a "kind of a reluctant mentor in an inner-city environment." Um....what?? Inner-city? Are you kidding me? Bieber is so the polar opposite of "inner-city" that he makes Jon Cryer look gansta. If you dropped Bieber in the Bronx about twenty dudes would run a train on him before they realized he wasn't a chick.

I guess with the recent success of Whalberg's The Fighter and Bieber's hit documentary Never Say Never, money once again rules the day in Hollywood. You don't have to be Nostradamus to know that this movie will be an unmitigated disaster.

Although no title has been released yet I'd like to go with what Annabel_Lecter suggested at one of my favorite movie websites joblo.com, The Happening 2: Why is this Happening?

'Nuff said.

Review: Jonah Hex

Plot: When Confederate cavalryman Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) sees his entire family murdered in front of him at the hands of his former commanding officer Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich) as retribution for killing Turnbull's son Jeb (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), Turnbull brands Hex and leaves him to die. Surviving the ordeal, Hex begins life as a bounty hunter after discovering that Turnbull apparently died in a fire. However, when Hex discovers that Turnbull is in fact alive and planning to blow up Washington D.C., revenge gets ugly.

Review: I'm not going to say that Jonah Hex is the most brilliant graphic novel movie adaptation ever. It's not. However, it's not nearly as ugly as other critics would have you believe. This is due in large part to director Jimmy Hayward who keeps the run time at a sleek and tight 81 minutes. The brevity of the screen time makes for a fun and fast paced action ride that rarely lets up, from the opening scenes of the Hex family slaughter, to the final climatic clash between Turnbull and Hex in the Washington D.C. harbor.

Unfortunately, the short run time also allows for very little in the way of character development. However, one might expect this from director Hayward who for most of his career in Hollywood has been an animator for Disney. It's Hayward's first foray into live action and it shows throughout Jonah Hex, as almost all of the characters are as two dimensional as a cartoon. Hayward isn't completely at fault however. Mark Nelvedine and Brian Taylor's screenplay is completely without nuance and severely lacking in dialogue. The scene where Hex speaks to his dead best friend Jeb (did I mention Hex can talk to the dead too?) is almost laughable. The gunshots had the most passionate lines in the movie.

The casting choices aren't exactly top notch either. Malkovich falls flat as Turnbull. He never seemed like a very menacing character and there is no explanation for his intense hatred of the Union. Instead Malkovich comes across as a hackneyed Snidely Whiplash. Eye candy Megan Fox is forgettable as Tallulah Black, a prostitute and love interest of Hex. The only reason Fox seems to be in the movie is because the producers needed at least one hot chick amidst the bevy of beefy men.

Thankfully, Brolin did a good job of carrying the film as the movie's main character. I think a great indication of an actor's talent is how well they do in bad movies. Brolin is one of the few bright spots in a decidedly ridiculous movie. Gritty, tough, and completely believable as a disfigured bounty hunter, Brolin's performance contrasts nicely with his turn as Tom Chaney in True Grit. Brolin exudes menace and vengeance. Another pleasant surprise is Michael Fassbender as Burke, a psychopathic Irishman and Turnbull's right hand man. Fassbender is deliciously wicked. With turns in movies like Inglorious Basterds, 300, Jane Eyre, and the upcoming X Men: First Class where he plays Magneto, it's safe to say that Fassbender's career is on the upswing.

Explosions, gunfights, and action rule the day in Jonah Hex which is about what you'd expect from a film like this. It's a schlock fest that relies more on in your face tactics rather than subtlety. While Jonah Hex doesn't totally hit the target, I guarantee you won't want to disfigure your face after you watch this movie.

My rating: 5/10

ACHTUNG! Zod Gets Help For Man of Steel from German Actress

Every enemy needs help. Even General Zod.

German actress Antje Traue (Pandorum) will be playing the role of Faora in Zack Synder's upcoming Man of Steel. For those of you unfamiliar with the character (as was I) she is somewhat...well...complicated. There are in fact multiple Faora's throughout the Superman universe (I know shocking that a comic book would run into this situation) but from what I can gather she is a beautiful Kryptonian woman who inexplicably hates all men. She is also apparently skilled in the Kryptonian martial art of Horo-Kanu that uses pressure points to inflict pain. Faora (at least one version of her) is an aid to Zod and has the ability to disrupt molecular bonds which allows her to create a mutagenic virus for the Kryptonian general.

That last storyline sounds particularly appealing, but it remains to be seen as to what role Faora will play in the new film. This is an interesting character choice because speculation originally had Traue playing Ursa. Ursa, as you may recall, appeared in Superman and Superman II and was played by actress Sarah Douglas. I like this choice because it means Snynder doesn't intend this next story to be a complete rehash of all the crap we've seen before. (See Superman Returns.)

Traue joins fellow actors Michael Shannon, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane, and Henry Cavill in the newest cinema foray for the Last Son of Krypton.

AH-NOLD Set to Bash Skynet with His Walker and Rasal Scooter!

Guess there's no school like the old school. After considering many options and perusing various scripts, former governator of KALI-FORN-YA Arnold Schwarzengger has decided to return to his roots and star in a fifth Terminator film according to Deadline.

While currently there is no script, Fast Five director Justin Lin is set to direct and Jumanji's Robert Cort will produce. Production company Pacificor purchased the rights after it went to bankruptcy auction for $29.5 million. Rumors (which are multiplying like Hunter Killer Drones) also suggest that there may in fact be two films that would bring the series to a conclusion.

The idea of any production company continuing with the Terminator franchise, let alone having Arnold Schwarzenegger star in it is more ridiculous than the ex-governor bringing out his Conan sword during budget meetings. (And yes HE ACTUALLY DID THAT.)

Look The Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgement Day are both iconic films entrenched in science fiction cinema lore. In my opinion you cannot write the history of science fiction cinema without those two films. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines was decent but director McG's Terminator Salvation was an unmitigated disaster that bombed at the box office domestically. And now Pacificor wants Justin Lin to direct? As far as I'm concerned he's the Asian version of McG and that's not a complement. (Seriously how is it possible that there have been FIVE Fast and the Furious movies??!!! It's as inexplicable as Rebeca Black's singing career.)

And Arnie, buddy I love ya but you're 63 years old now. It's unrealistic to expect you to play an advanced killing machine who incidentally doesn't age. Is the studio going to go Tron: Legacy and have him digitally youthified (yes I just made that word up) in the next film(s)? I hope not because it looked awful in the last one.

Somebody needs to put a phased plasma pulse rifle in a 40 watt range to the head of this franchise and pull the trigger. Twice.

The Dark Tower's Shadow Falls on Bardem

Well this announcement seems more like a formality than anything else but here it is: after months of speculation and rumors, Academy Award winner Javier Bardem has OFFICIALLY signed on to play the titular lead role of Roland Deschain in Ron Howard and Brian Grazer's adaptation of Stephen King's The Dark Tower.

The Dark Tower will be a groundbreaking new foray for moviegoers as the seven volume series will consist of three movies and three miniseries linked together. What's interesting (and a little disturbing) is that Bardem has only signed on for the first film and the first miniseries. A source with the New York Post says that the intention is for Bardem to be in all three movies and miniseries and that he was always the studio's first choice.

While I sincerely wish Grazer and Howard would have gone after Viggo Mortensen instead, I respect the choice. Bardem not only has the talent but also the look to play Roland of Gilead. My concern now however is that he is only signed to the first movie and miniseries. Who's to say he won't bail after that part of his contract is up and leave the studio twisting in the wind? I understand it's a big undertaking, but with a project like this you've got to be fully committed. I don't want this feature to become Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus with the main character being played by multiple people.

The other thing that is fascinating to me is that the studio said Bardem was always their first choice. Really? That's surprising considering that names like Josh Brolin and Viggo Mortensen were being thrown around, two people I thought would have been better fits.

Filming on the first movie in the series is set to start this September with a tentative release date of May 2013.

**One extra tidbit of information is that aside from the novels and the graphic novels about The Dark Tower that have already been released, Stephen King is releasing an 8th Dark Tower book next year called The Wind Through the Keyhole that takes place between the events of Book Four and Book Five. I wonder if they will incorporate the latest source material into the movies?

Ian Holm returns to The Shire!

More exciting news from Middle-Earth: long time character actor Ian Holm will be reprising his role as Bilbo Baggins in the upcoming Peter Jackson film The Hobbit. While obviously Martin Freeman has the main role, Holm will show up as the older version of Bilbo as was the case in Jackson's The Lord of the Rings.

It's unclear how much screen time or how exactly the 79 year old British actor will be used in the film. My guess is that he'll be used at the beginning of the film maybe in a flashback situation and then again at the end of the film. Since Elijah Wood will also be making a brief appearance, I suspect the two will show up in a few scenes, namely the ones where Frodo comes to live at Bag End.

As much as I love Ian Holm and am happy to have him back in the fold, I sincerely hope that his role is limited. After all this is Martin Freeman's film and I'd hate to see it overshadowed by Holm's reappearance. In any event it's nice to see that Jackson is getting the band back together. Here's hoping that Viggo Mortensen makes a brief cameo as Aragorn.

**Sidenote: This really hasn't gotten a lot of play and kind of slipped through the cracks, but Hugo Weaving (who will play Red Skull in this summer's The First Avenger: Captain America) will also be returning as Elrond.

Nolan Batarangs Gordon-Levitt and Cotillard's TDKR roles our way

Director Christopher Nolan doles out details about The Dark Knight Rises like Ebeneezer Scrooge doles out money, which is to say not very much. However he did release some interesting tidbits this week; namely the much discussed roles of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Marion Cotillard's.

Oscar winner Cotillard (La Vie en Rose) will be playing Miranda Tate a Wayne Enterprises executive who helps Bruce Wayne cope with his grief and resume the philanthropic duties of his father. Meanwhile Gordon-Levitt will be playing John Blake a Gotham City police officer assigned to a special duty under Commissioner James Gordon (Gary Oldman). It's important to note that neither of these characters appear anywhere in the Batman universe.

Now here are my thoughts on these roles. I believe Gordon-Levitt will make an excellent cop. I can definitely see him as a guy who is very anti-Batman but then comes around towards the end of the film. On the other hand I believe that Nolan is pulling an okey-doke when it comes to Cotillard's role. While I believe that the role Warner Bros. has presented is accurate, I also believe there is something more. For one Cotillard is too good of an actress to be used solely in a supporting role. Second of all, I already reported that Ra's Al Ghul and the League of Shadows are going to play a role in the third film. My guess (and this is just speculation) is that Cotillard's Tate is actually going to be Talia Al Ghul, Ra's Al Ghul's daughter.

Then again Nolan has faked me out so many times that I'm starting to feel like a linebacker trying to tackle Barry Sanders. The Dark Knight Rises swoops into theaters July 20, 2012.

Review: The Switch

Plot: When New York City transplant Kassie Larson (Jennifer Aniston) realizes that she wants to have a baby, she decides to conceive through artificial insemination. Despite the objections of her best friend Wally Mars (Jason Bateman) Kassie goes through with the procedure. However, during the insemination party Wally (who secretly loves Kassie) switches donor Roland's (Patrick Wilson) semen with his. After moving to Minnesota, Kassie returns seven years later to New York City with son Sebastian who demonstrates surprising similarities to Wally. As Wally develops a relationship with Sebastian, can he find the courage to open himself up enough and reveal his secret love to Kassie?

Review: If The Switch sounds like a ridiculous idea for a movie you are absolutely right. Contrived, overly sentimental, and boasting a trite script that follows the formula of typical romantic comedies, The Switch is a movie that make Little Fockers look like Animal House by comparison.

The Switch is a terrible movie on multiple levels. There wasn't one character I cared about in this entire film. Wally's neurosis aren't charming or funny they are annoying. Attribute that mostly to Jason Bateman who for the life of me I can't understand why he still has a career. His acting in this film is on par with a seventh grade production of Annie Get Your Gun. Kassie comes across as boring and uninteresting not only because screenwriter Allan Loeb couldn't provide personality to the character, but because Jennifer Aniston's acting has declined faster than Charlie Sheen's social relevance. Seriously, Aniston has not made a good movie since 2002's The Good Girl and since then there have been nothing but a parade of craptacular romantic comedies. Even Jeff Goldblum's cameo as Wally's boss Leonard stinks out loud. David Duchovny's imitation of Jeff Goldblum would have been a better performance than Jeff Goldblum. And funnier to boot.

The Switch suffers from the fact that it is an ill conceived plot. I find it incredibly sad that people out there actually have "insemination parties." They are probably about as painful to go to as the scene from The Switch. I don't know what's more disturbing, that Jason Bateman played around with the donor's semen in the bathroom while drunk, that he had to replace it with his semen by pleasuring himself to a magazine featuring Diane Sawyer, or that he was too drunk to remember any of it until seven years later. I'm leaning towards all three.

Even the relationship between Sebastian and Wally is asinine. Wally's advice to Sebastian about a school bully? Act crazy. Wow. Thanks Dad. What's your advice on safe driving? Always pound a bottle of Jack Daniels before you get behind the wheel?

What's even more insulting is that The Switch desperately thinks it's saying something meaningful about relationships. The scene where Wally reveals his love to Kassie is tragic and not in a good way. Overly sappy and replete with tears and professions of love, and accompanied by composer Alex Wurman's sentimental music, I found myself wishing that my television was in 3D so I could slap Bateman and Aniston across the face. Even worse was Wally's final voiceover that shows people rushing through the streets where he says, "Maybe it's not the world that's in fast forward, maybe it's the people." WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???

The only thing The Switch inspired me to do was change places with someone on death row.

My rating: 1/10

Review: Little Fockers

Plot: The third film in the Meet the Parents series finds father-in-law Jack (Robert De Niro) struggling with his family's future. After he suffers a heart attack, Jacks decides his son Greg Focker (Ben Stiller) should be the head of the family when Jack passes away. However when Jack and Dina (Blythe Danner) visit Greg and Pam (Teri Polo) for their grandchildrens' fifth birthday, Jack begins to suspect that Greg may be cheating with pharmaceutical rep Andi Garcia (Jessica Alba, and yes that is her character's name).

Review: In one of the most unnecessary sequels of all time, Little Fockers proves three things: that Ben Stiller continues to not be funny, that Robert De Niro continues to mail in every role he takes, and that since Little Fockers was number one at the box office, there is no accounting for taste among movie goers.

I can't begin to tell you how many things are bad about this movie. From Paul Weitz's shoddy and choppy directing style, to an idiotic scene involving Jack and an erectile dysfunction drug called Sustengo, to Jessica Alba's pathetic attempt at acting, Little Fockers is a soul crushing 98 minutes of pure unfunny torture.

Considering that director Paul Weitz is a former Academy Award nominee for Best Adapted Screenplay (About A Boy) you would think he'd know something about good writing. You'd be as wrong as the Los Angeles Clippers on draft day. John Hamburg and Larry Stuckey's script is an epic disaster full of ridiculous terms like "GodFocker" that would make the writers of Gigli and Norbit projectile vomit.

Speaking of regurgitation, De Niro, Stiller, and Alba aren't the only ones who reek in Little Fockers. Untalented Wilson brother Owen reprises his role as Kevin Rawley, Pam's ex-fiance. His performance is so annoying it makes you wonder if water boarding might be more fun than watching him in another movie. I also had to remind myself that Blythe Danner is thankfully the mother of an Oscar winner to take away something redeeming about her performance. While Teri Polo was decent as Pam, it just makes me sad that she can't get any better work than this. As for Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand as Bernie and Roz Focker...better I keep a civil QWERTY keyboard.

I can't even give credit to editors Greg Hayden, Leslie Jones, and Myron I. Kerstein who tightened the movie to just above an hour and a half. It would have been better if they'd tightened it down to five minutes. Or better yet none.

One of the most disturbing things about Little Fockers happened at the end when Jack, Dina, Roz, and Bernie all want to move near Greg and Pam. Considering that Little Fockers made over $300 million worldwide, it's possible the studio may consider a fourth film.

As to the possibility of another movie, I have one thing to say to the producers: Go Fock yourselves.

My rating: 2/10

Review: Your Highness

Plot: When Prince Fabious (James Franco) has his bride to be Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) abducted by the evil wizard Leezar, (Justin Theroux) his lazy weed smoking brother Thadeous (Danny McBride) is given an ultimatum: help Fabious recover his fiance or face banishment. With the help of fellow warrior Isabel (Natalie Portman) the three embark on a dangerous and strange journey.

Review: What do you get when you combine an Oscar winner, an Oscar nominee, an up and coming comic, and the director of the hilarious 2008 film Pineapple Express? Unfortunately a tepid and occasionally funny film.

When I recently saw Your Highness at the movies I was surprised to find I was the only one in the theater. (Incidentally this has never happened to me.) However, as the film progressed I realized why that may be the case. Your Highness is a stumbling and ill conceived movie from director David Gordon Green. Full of gratuitous T & A, random penis jokes, and overly long, I could count the number of times I laughed on one hand.

While the plot is decent, it would have been nice if screenwriters Danny McBride and Ben Best had more than the occasional funny line in the film. What's shocking is that the two helped co-create the very funny HBO television show Eastbound & Down. I'm at a loss as to why their typical spot on comedy didn't translate to the big screen.

One of the key problems in Your Highness is that it relies too much on gag or gross out humor. Scenes such as Thadeous and Fabious's visit to the Great Wise Wizard or Thadeous taking a trophy from the groin region after he slays a minotaur, are more disturbing than they are funny. Additionally, it seemed like Green and cinematographer Tim Orr focused more on production value and establishing memorable epic shots such as Leezar's kidnapping of Belladonna or the battle in an arena with a five headed dragon. While the production value was excellent, it seemed more apt for a high budget fantasy film rather than a stoner fantasy spoof. In that sense it is kind of the anti-Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Your Highness redeems itself in part through the acting of Danny McBride and Zooey Daschanel. Despite the below average script McBride's Thadeous was often funny as the wise cracking slacker prince. The scene where he finally obtains the Sword of Unicorn (don't ask) is surprisingly funny and somewhat poignant. Daschanel as the clueless Belladonna succeeds as well. Watching her try to use a fork at a feast was hilarious.

While Franco and Portman were solid as Fabious and Isabel, their performances weren't anything overwhelming. Both seemed a little too straight edged for the role. Sadly both actors best moments came when neither spoke; Franco's facial expression when he is frozen by Leezar's magic and Portman's posterior when she's swimming in a pond.

Although Your Highness has its moments, most of the film fell flat. With all the expectations I had going in, considering the people involved, Your Highness is easily the most disappointing film of 2011 so far.

My rating: 4/10

NESTOR CARBONELL HAS TO GO BACK!!!...To the Batman Universe

The man best know for his dark eyelashes and for playing Richard Alpert on the television show LOST, Nestor Carbonell, will once again be roaming the streets of Gotham City. Carbonell will be reprising his role of Mayor Anthony Garcia from 2008's The Dark Knight in next summer's The Dark Knight Rises. With a cast that already includes Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Anne Hathaway, Tom Hardy, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Carbonell's addition is just icing on the cake. Long known for his supporting roles, I thought Carbonell was excellent as Gotham's mayor and I hope he gets just as much face time in TDKR as he did in TDK. FYI--Anyone who didn't see him in the LOST episode "Ab Aeterno" you are truly missing out on a great acting performance and in my opinion one of the top five LOST episodes of all time. Now if we could just get him to star as Inigo Mantoya in the Broadway version of The Princess Bride my life would be complete.

Further Proof Why The Chinese Government is Crazy

In an action more bizarre than Crispin Glover's personality, China has banned all time travel themes from movies and television. Let me repeat that one more time for the people in the back: CHINA HAS BANNED ALL TIME TRAVEL THEMES FROM MOVIES AND TELEVISION.

The official word from China's State Administration for Radio, Film and Television is, "The producers and writers are treating the serious history in a frivolous way, which by no means should be encouraged anymore. They casually make up myths, have monstrous and weird plots, use absurd tactics, and even promote feudalism, superstition, fatalism, and reincarnation."

Sounds like China is scared of some director making a movie where China didn't fall under Communism because that would be...what's the word...awesome?

To me this is just another classic example of why the Chinese government (notice I said government not the country or the people) and Communism is ridiculous to the point of absurdity. It's a soul crushing regime that continually suppresses free thinking, free speech, or anything that isn't in line with the Chinese Communist doctrine. Apparently treating women as second class citizens and denying its people basic freedoms is alright but TimeCop is not. Ok, to be fair TimeCop shouldn't be played in any country but you get my point.

Hopefully in my lifetime China's Communist regime will be overthrown and once again China will be able to enjoy Back to the Future, Dr. Who, and LOST.

Sally Field flies into role of Mary Todd Lincoln in Spielberg's Biopic

Two time Oscar winner for Best Actress (Norma Rae, Places in the Heart) and current Boniva spokesperson Sally Field has been cast in Steven Spielberg's upcoming biopic about the life of Abraham Lincoln. Field will play opposite Daniel Day-Lewis as first lady Mary Todd Lincoln.

Field has been linked to the project since 2007 when Liam Neeson was set to play the 16th President of the United States. However, last week Spielberg reconfirmed Field's involvement and expressed his excitement to be working with her for the first time.

Personally I think this is a fantastic choice. Field has been in the industry since the mid 1960s and is still going strong at sixty-four. With two Best Actress Oscars under her belt, her acting talent is unquestioned. My only concern perhaps is her looks. Even at sixty-four Field is still an attractive woman, while the real Mary Todd Lincoln (as shown in the picture above) looks like Gollum's understudy from The Lord of the Rings. Then again if they can make Charlize Theron look like a hillbilly who opens beer bottles with her teeth, then I guess they can ugly up Sally Field.

Filming is set to begin on the project sometime this fall and will be based on the best selling book Team of Rivals by Pulitzer Prize winning historian Doris Kearns Goodwin. The movie will focus mostly on Lincoln's presidency and involvement with the Civil War and the abolition of slavery. A release date is slated for late 2012. (Um hello? Oscars anyone?)

In the meantime Sally Field can be seen next summer as Peter Parker's Aunt May in The Amazing Spiderman. Steven Spielberg is set to release The Adventures of Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn and War Horse later this year.

Josh Pence to young Ra's Al Ghul In The Dark Knight Rises

Man I just cannot get away from comic book characters tonight.

If you're wondering how you missed Josh Pence in last year's The Social Network you're not alone. While Pence's body was in the 2010 hit his face was not. That was because Armie Hammer's chisled features were digitally copied over Pence's face to form the second Winkelvoss twin.

Thankfully, Pence will be getting a chance to sport his own mug in next summer's The Dark Knight Rises, as he is set to play the young Ra's Al Ghul, the main villain played by Liam Neeson in Batman Begins. According to "Heat Vision" the character will be shown in flashbacks 30 years prior to the events in TDKR. This of course fuels further speculation that Ra's daughter Talia Al Ghul will have a major role in the conclusion to Christopher Nolan's trilogy. Further speculation also has Oscar winner Marion Cotillard playing the role but nothing has been confirmed yet.

As the expression goes, just another turn of the screw in Nolan's Batman saga. Now if we could just get some plot details...

KNEEL BEFORE MICHAEL SHANNON!!!

To those of you hoping that Viggo Mortensen might step into the role of General Zod in Zack Synder's upcoming Superman reboot, I'm afraid that your hopes have killed by kryptonite.

The part of one of Superman's oldest enemies has gone to Oscar nominee (Revolutionary Road) Michael Shannon. The casual moviegoer probably has no idea who Michael Shannon is, but I'm here to tell you that he is one of the most underrated actors working today. Anyone out there who hasn't seen Shannon as Nelson Van Alden in HBO's Boardwalk Empire is doing themselves a huge disservice. His small part in director Sidney Lumet's last film (who sadly passed away this past week at the age of 86) Before the Devil Knows You're Dead is riveting.

The 36 year old Shannon can project a sense of malice very rare among actors, a trait vital for the role of General Zod. Having said that I don't think I like the choice. I have little doubt that Shannon possesses the acting ability to pull off the role but physically I just don't see him as Zod. I'm probably biased because I wanted Mortenson and because I will definitely be comparing him to Terrance Stamp's performance in Superman II. I'm hoping I'm wrong though and that Shannon crushes it. What with Amy Adams, Diane Lane, and Kevin Costner all now part of the cast, the new Superman is shaping up to be an excellent movie.

One other note to mention is that the movie is now OFFICIALLY called Man of Steel. What with the success of the title The Dark Knight for co-DC universe hero Batman, I believe the title is fitting. Man of Steel heat visions its way into theaters December 2012.

Spock is Smaug????

I'm not often one to post rumors on my blog but this one was just to juicy to resist. Leonard Nimoy (you may have heard of him he was in some show called Star Trek I think) is rumored to be the voice of Smaug the dragon in Peter Jackson's upcoming two parter The Hobbit. Despite claiming retirement a few years ago to pursue his passion for photography, Nimoy seems to be hedging his bets as of late. He's set to voice Sentinel Prime in Michael Bay's summer robot WWE cage match Transformers: Dark of the Moon this July, and now this.

News of Nimoy's possible connection with the role appeared in last week's Entertainment Weekly and at this point Nimoy says that it is just rumor. However, it is key to note that he was very tight lipped about the prospect, making me think that Mr. Spock may be leaning towards voicing the part of Middle Earth's last dragon. That's assuming of course that Peter Jackson even offers him the role. Lots of things could happen between now and December 2013. (Smaug won't even appear until part two of the film.) The part could go to Pee Wee Herman or Justin Bieber for all I know.

Personally I think that this would be an excellent choice. He already has some experience with Tolkien's Middle Earth. Check out this very weird video he did called "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" back in the 60s for proof. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC73PHdQX04 Nimoy has an epic deep voice fit for a part like Smaug. The Hobbit is meant to a sprawling fantasy film so why not have a legendary actor voice the role? Even Richard Boone, the voice of the original Smaug in the 1977 cartoon, couldn't match up with Nimoy. The choice is quite (eh-hem) logical in my opinion.

Bill and Ted 3??? NO WAY!!

April Fool's Day is almost a week gone but apparently a third Bill and Ted adventure is no joke. There have been rumblings in the past about Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves re-teaming with writers Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon for a most excellent new movie. However that's all I thought is was--talk.

Turns out my thoughts were bogus.

Keanu Reeves, who played Ted Theodore Logan in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and the sequel Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, told MTV news that writers are about six weeks away from the draft of a script. The movie apparently will revolve around Bill and Ted's efforts to write the song that "saves the world." Reeves has stated that his work on the third adventure of the non-heinous duo will begin after he finishes shooting the action drama 47 Ronin.

Personally I loved the first two films. I was also ten when Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure came out and thought losing my virginity meant kissing a girl. Time marches on and things change. I highly doubt that a third Bill and Ted film will be welcomed by anybody but the staunchest supporters of the original films. Once again Hollywood is banking heavily on the nostalgia value of its viewers. But does anybody really want to see Bill and Ted in their mid-forties? The charm of the two best friends was the fact that they were goofy California teenagers. Furthermore, Reeves has moved on to bigger and better things. Does he really want to revisit this role? Is Alex Winter that hard up for cash?

Unfortunately this movie is bound to be made and even a time traveling telephone booth isn't likely to stop it.

DVD and Blu Ray Releases for April

April 5th: Tron: Legacy, Little Fockers, Casino Jack, I Love You Phillip Morris, Taxi Driver, Artificial Intelligence, Fiddler on the Roof, Babe, The People Vs. Larry Flynt, ...And Justice for All, Jawbreaker, Benny and Joon, Lars and the Real Girl April 8th: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader April 12th: Country Strong, The Incredibles, White Material, Summer in Genoa, Harvest April 15th: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I April 19th: The King's Speech, Somewhere, Rabbit Hole, Gulliver's Travels, The Way Back, Kes, Sweetie, Bambi, Mortal Kombat, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Short Circuit 2, Zombie Holocaust, If God is Willing and da Creek Don't Rise, April 26th: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Blow Out, Don't Look Back, El Topo, The Holy Mountain, Deep Red, Dinoshark, South Park Season 14, Growing Pains Season 2

George RR Martin has LOST his mind

Let me be perfectly frank. I am a huge fan of fantasy author George R.R. Martin. His reputation as "the American Tolkien" is well deserved. His Song of Ice and Fire series is compulsively readable and based in a gritty reality that pushes magic and mysticism to the background and medieval intrigue to the forefront. I'm quivering with anticipation for the HBO series based on his books called Game of Thrones.

Having said that, I was shocked to read this week how he bashed Damon Lindelof and the ending of the television show LOST. Referring to the aforementioned fantasy series in an interview with The New Yorker, Martin expressed concerns about the series stating, "What if I f**k it up at the end? What if I pull a LOST?" Martin also stated that he felt "cheated" when it came to the ending of the iconic television series.

With all due respect to Mr. Martin's writing expertise, I believe that a dragon has absconded with his brain.

Look LOST may be one of the most controversial endings of all time for a television series. I know that many people out that there were disappointed by the ending and that they were looking for something more. I can respect that. I don't agree, but I can respect it.

But to do what Martin did is tantamount to undermining the whole series. He's tacitly saying that because the ending wasn't what he wanted that the whole series was a waste of time. To quote fictional Seinfeld character Jackie Childs, that idea is "ridiculous, egregious, preposterous." You can't discount six seasons of fantastic writing, phenomenal acting, and flawless direction just because you didn't like the ending.

Even though Mr. Martin is a smart man (his Song of Ice and Fire series abounds with so much political, economic, religious, and psychological intrigue that I'd have to take several college classes to be fully versed) I humbly submit that he did not get the ending of LOST. LOST in my opinion was a fantastical metaphor for life as a whole, and just like life sometimes the answers are incomplete, unsatisfying, or not what you are looking for. As cliche as it sounds the joy of LOST was in the journey not the destination.

We never really find out what the island is. Is it controlled by God, the universe, or a power we can't understand? What happened to Walt or the survivors after they left the island for the final time? Why did Ben stay behind rather than join the rest of the group in the church? LOST left its viewers with the ultimate water cooler ending that will be discussed about for years if not decades. It's enduring power is the ability to get us to think, to question, to analyze. That is LOST's legacy and its testament to the world. How many television shows, books, or movies can say that?

I might have not written this article if not for Martin's comment that screwing up his fantasy series would be "pulling a LOST." That's just unfair and untrue. As Lindelof stated, "I don't take issue with his opinion, I take issue with the fact that he coined 'Pulling a LOST' as empirically f**king up the ending." Couldn't have said it better myself. Martin's take is at best myopic and at worst wilful ignorance. From somebody who wrote for television in the 80s he should have said he was worried about pulling a Seinfeld or a Quantum Leap.

To be even more frank I'd like to address George personally for a moment if I could. George let me break it down for you:

1--It has been 6 six years since the last novel in your series.

2--You spend too much time blogging about the Jets and Giants.

3--You attend way too many fantasy conferences when you could be writing.

4--Your good friend Robert Jordan happened to put out 11 books in his Wheel of Time series between 1990 and 2005. From 1996 to 2011 you will have put out 5.

5--You still have two more books to write after A Dance With Dragons comes out in July to complete the series.

6--The 14th and final book in the Wheel of Time series comes out in March of 2012 and Robert Jordan HAS BEEN DEAD FOR ALMOST FOUR YEARS. (Currently another author is finishing the works based on Jordan's notes, massive outline, and intended ending for the series.) That means a dead man will finish his series before you.

7--You're fat.

8--You're old.

George how about you worry about finishing the series rather than f**king it up? Or as Damon Lindelof responded in a tweet: "I've just been informed George is working on his feud response. I'll have it in five years." Nothing like a pithy, well written response by the master to sum up exactly how I feel about this whole situation.